


All you need is a little love

by Go_get_Jakes_gun



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abortion, Abusive Relationships, And Loki too, Character Growth, Cheating, Curses, Daddy Issues, Dark Thor (Marvel), Eventual Romance, F/M, Forced miscarriage, I'd say dark Loki, Idiots in Love, Intersex Angerboda, Intersex Jarnsaxa, Intersex Jotunn (Marvel), Intersex Loki, Jealousy, Like, Loki Needs a Hug, M/M, Magic, Misogyny, Mpreg, No rape between Thor and Loki, Petty, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, So much infidelity, Thor's petty, War, and then like a thousand more, but let's be honest with ourselves, but mostly Thor, dubcon, he's always been morally grey, hurt and eventual comfort, no, omg, sloowwwww burn, so much dubcon, sorta - Freeform, spells, you will briefly hate Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Go_get_Jakes_gun/pseuds/Go_get_Jakes_gun
Summary: AU where Laufey never put Loki in that temple. Loki is raised as the disgrace that he is (in the eyes of Jotunheim). A prince, but not advertised as one, lesser known.It's Asgard vs. Jotunheim, and Thor finds himself captured by some 'Prince Loptr' of Jotunheim. Bah! He can'treallybe a prince of Jotunheim if Thor's never heard of him. Thor is holding out hope that Sif and Hogun will find him as Loptr drags Thor through Jotunheim's cruel landscape. But when they do, tragedy unfolds, and it will take a lot of work to undo the horror that Loptr- aka Loki- has done to Thor.
Relationships: Angerboda/Jarnsaxa, Angerboda/Loki (Marvel), Balder/Karnilla, Fandral/Sif, Frigga | Freyja/Odin (Marvel), Jarnsaxa/Thor (Marvel), Thor/Loki
Comments: 77
Kudos: 182
Collections: Warprize Loki Collection





	1. Chapter 1

The bitter cold of Jotunheim nipped Thor in places that he would rather not be nipped as he was led by a procession of Jotnar. Somehow, someway, he’d managed to get himself captured by these behemoths- separated (somehow) from Mjolnir by cuffs of seidr. He growled. Jotnar did not use seidr- even they had more pride than that.

Thor found himself thrown to the floor. The ice beneath him cracked under the force exerted by his knees. He felt a foot- small, Aesir-like, shove his head down and onto the cold ice.

“ _Kneel_ ,” a voice like a wet cat hissed.

Thor gritted his teeth. If these chains weren’t infused by magic, he’d rip them off and beat this man with them. As it stood, all that he could do was fight the order. He could feel the man frowning. He thought he heard a hand-gesture, and then the next moment he was on his stomach on the ice.

He felt the fire race across his skin like lightning of his own making. It was sheer endurance that kept him from crying out at that first whip. No, he wouldn’t beg or cry. He’d been through worse. _Much_ worse. He was Odin’s son, after all, a warrior in his prime… even if the whip was as cold as the barren planet it was likely forged upon.

A crushing grip enveloped his lower jaw as his head was roughly brought up to stare into the demonic red eyes of shorty-mc-short-short Jotunn.

“That’s better now, isn’t it,” clearly the tiny Jotunn didn’t seem to realise that the only reason that he was ‘kneeling’ was because of the men holding him there. He didn’t respect the Jotunn enough to kneel for him. Who would? He was a coward if anything. Hiding behind seidr and big men to protect him. Probably ergi or something. “My father will be very pleased with your capture.”

“Oh,” Thor spat. “And who is ‘your father’?”

“Laufey,” the ‘man’ replied simply.

“You lie, witch! Laufey’s sons are Helblindi and Byleistr, and you are neither brother!”

“I am the youngest,” Loptr smirked with something… else in his eyes. Hmmm… curious… “Not well known of outside of Jotunheimr. But know this, Thunderer, you were captured today by prince Loptr Laufeyson of Jotunheimr.”

“No, I believe that I was captured by your guards,” Thor spat.

Slap.

“I don’t know how you filthy Aesir treat your slaves back on Asgard, but on Jotunheimr you are _nothing_ , scum. You don’t speak unless told to and you don’t _ever_ talk back to your master.”

Master? Who did this Jotunn think he was? He was _unheard_ of, surely the little runt realised that Laufey was ashamed of him for being ergi! And of course he would be- Byleistr and Helblindi, horrible as they were, were at the very least respected warriors. Byleistr had taken out squadron after squadron of Aesir troops, and Helblindi, in addition to being a formidable opponent, was also a master at war-tactic. Who was this ‘Loptr.’ Who thought that he was so great?

Still, Thor kept his mouth shut. He would be out of here soon, he told himself. It was just a matter of time before Sif and Hogun managed to track him down.

“Come now,” Loptr spoke to the men who had brought him here. “We shall take him to Utgardr. I shall present him to my father.”

The men followed suit.

.

Thor had expected many things. He hadn’t expected to be _ridden_ on through the streets of Utgardr like some horse.

The Joke was on Loptr though- that stupid runt was as light as a feather! Seriously- weighed _nothing_! **_Nothing_**! Not even an iota.

Thor soon found himself on his knees in Laufey’s court, head forced to bow in front of the king. Not a problem, Thor didn’t mind bowing in front of a _worthy_ opponent. Laufey’s ‘ ** _son’,_** on the other hand, was no such opponent.

“Odinson…” Laufey hissed, before looking up at his supposed youngest. “Interesting… this is good… we can use this to end the war. Ransom him off to Odin in exchange for peace.” Thor mentally cursed. This war had been going so well for Asgard, and now a single misstep was going to cost them Jotunheimr.

Despite that he couldn’t see Loptr, he could feel an air of uneasiness creep in. Oh no, what was this little idiot going to do now?…

“Of course, father. And he shall be in my care until then,” Loptr smiled, faux-sweet.

Laufey hesitated, as though sensing that Loptr would fuck up, but then finally he nodded. “Go, boy. And don’t mess this up.”

“Absolutely, father,” Loptr smiled.

‘Absolutely to what?’ Thor groaned internally.


	2. Chapter 2

Thor was surprised by ‘Prince Loptr’s’ chambers. They weren’t very big- though, to be fair, the man was possibly the smallest thing in the entire castle. Still, hardly befitting of a supposed prince. Three rooms- that was it! Thor himself had an entire _hall_! There were _maids_ in Asgard granted more space than this strange blue thing.

As soon as Loptr slammed the door, his demeanour changed. “My father is an _imbecile_! You are _far_ more valuable than just a peace token… no, with your power we could _win_ the war!”

“And what makes you think I’d lend it you,” Thor snarled. He wasn’t even surprised when the small half-thing slapped him. But then Loptr cupped his face tightly and twisted it to force their eyes to meet.

“What makes you think you have a choice?”

.

The dumb prince’s solution to keep Thor silent was to muzzle him. Thor really hoped Sif and Hogun would hurry up and find him.

The ergi had been force-feeding him some strange potion, casting spells on him. Thor was reluctant to admit his fears as to what the Frost Not-So-Giant might possibly be doing. Still, as long as he made it out alive, his mother could _easily_ break any enchantment placed on him. She was, after all, Frigga Feyrsdottir.

“We’re moving,” Loptr demanded. “It seems that your father is not so keen on peace. Do try to keep up,” Loptr grabbed Thor’s chains.

Thor had learned something about the magic chains- he couldn’t fight them. There was something about them, they could only be pulled, not pushed, and consequentially they would drag him along as well.

Loptr led him out through some strange, offhand, back-entrance and into the blizzard. The only remotely nice things about these chains was that Thor couldn’t feel the cold anymore. Even as he was pulled and dragged through heaps of snow, no doubt to hide themselves.

_‘Ha!_ ’ Thor thought to himself. ‘ _You think that you can hide us? If Heimdall doesn’t already know where we are, then you can bet that Sif and Hogun will find is in a matter of days- I want to see you_ ** _try_** _to fight them without the Jotnar to protect you_.’ But of course he couldn’t say any of. this, because his muzzle was still on.

Loptr led him in complete silence to a summit. Below was a ravine, and further along that was a deep, dark forest that beautifully contrasted the everwhite snow of Jotunheimr.

Loptr pushed Thor down it, letting him barrel roll down, before sprinting down the slope himself. Arsehole!

Loptr bent down to pick up the chains and continue dragging him. He let out a series of protests. Even with his own seidr (lightning, masculine), he could tell that something was off about the seemingly endless forest. Loptr ignored him and carried on dragging him.

.

It must have been three days later when Thor collapsed. Loptr cursed.

“I know where I’m going,” he groused aloud. “I’m sure I do. I’ve been here a half a dozen times,” he completely ignored Thor lying on the snow. Finally, he glanced over. “Oh, right. I forgot how delicate you Aesir were. I suppose I must keep you alive. Stay put, I will fetch you some food and drink. And don’t even think of trying to escape- it is my presence alone that has kept the predators of this wood from tearing you limb from limb.”

Sheesh, he talked a lot! Thor was _glad_ as the runt trod away, glad to be out of its presence for the first time in two weeks.

“ _Mmmb_ ,” he let out. “ ** _Mmmb!_** ” He hoped somehow, someway, it would help Hogun and Sif or maybe even Heimdall to find him. No such luck. Instead it just made him feel stupid after a while. Loptr returned with the food and drink he’d promised. A skin of water and some… crackers? Where on earth had this fool managed these from?

“I keep a store in a void in space,” Loptr seemed to sense his confusion as he unclasped the muzzle. “Eat up. I don’t intend to stall for long, and I can always use my gifts to make these chains even lighter so that dragging your corpse won’t become so difficult.”

Thor obeyed, starving as he was. The food was bland, not fit for a prince of his stature, but it was food and he was hungry, so he ate.

That night they camped in a cave, with an actual going fire. Loptr disappeared for a while and then came back heaving a deer carcass over his back. Impressive, Thor had no idea that the little thing could carry the carcass- usually argr saw themselves above such tasks, but clearly not this one. This time, Loptr didn’t put the muzzle back on.

“I must confess, I grow lonely- I’d even do for your barbaric tongue at the moment.”

“Thank you,” Thor’s voice was hoarse, but the sarcasm still carried.

“Don’t make me regret it.”

Thor said nothing.

Despite Loptr’s apparent desire for conversation, he didn’t say much. If anything, he was less talkative now than before- and contrary to Thor’s earlier comment about the blue thing never shutting up, he didn’t actually talk at regular intervals, it was just that when he did you couldn’t turn it off.

.

“So what exactly is it that you intend to do with me?” Thor asked the next day as they continued their trek.

“Hide you until the war is over and Jotunheimr has won,” Loptr said, resolute.

“You truly believe that Jotunheimr can win?”

“Yes.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Somewhere.”

“Where?”

“What difference dow it make to you. You know nothing about Jotunheimr’s geography.”

“I studied it before coming here,” Thor bluffed.

“ _Right_ ,” Loptr rolled his eyes, clearly not believing him. “Tell me then, As, where is Utgardr?”

“In the centre,” Thor guessed.

“South-East,” Loptr shook his head, tiredly. “I didn’t think that I would say this so soon, but please stop talking.”

“Fine.” Thor really didn’t want the muzzle back, so he kept quiet.

He was ashamed to admit it, but his feet were growing tired and sore. He kept his grumblings internal as they walked, Loptr dragging him along on that chain of his. Thor heard a crack and immediately turned his head. Loptr frowned… it seemed that he too sensed that something wasn’t quite right.

It was a squirrel, it seemed. Thor let out a laugh, all that panic over one measly squirrel. Loptr wasn’t laughing. Thor turned to him, humour in his eyes. “What, Loptr? Don’t tell me this squirrel has ‘trodden on your territory’ or something. Liven up a little!”

Then there was another squirrel. It was triple the size of the first, easily as tall as Thor’s inner-thigh. Oh no. Still, it was just a squirrel. How bad could it be? Eight more squirrels of the same size or bigger. Then 20 behind them. Another fifty flanking them.

“What do we do now?” Thor whispered.

“Be silent and hope they don’t see us. Their eyesight is abysmal.”

They stood quiet for another five minutes before one of the demons raised its nose into the air and twitched its nose. Then it let out an ear-shattering squeak, and it and all of its comrades pounced at them, going for blood.

Thor did his best to fight them, but the chains hindered him, and the little nightmares seemed to be growing in both number and in size.

“Release me so that I may fight them!” Thor shouted as one of the little buggers bit his leg.

“No, you’ll escape!”

“I give you my word!”

“Bah! What good is that?”

But after a moment, it seemed that Loptr acquiesced, because Thor could feel the chains give way and his seidr- like a long-lost love- creep slowly back into him. Finally, for the first time in days, he felt powerful again.

He summoned a big one. Of course he did. It killed all of the little vermin. Before he could do anything else, however, the chains were back locked into place. He turned, furious, to the little frost bitch, still high on his spurt of power.

“How _dare_ you!”

“How dare _I_?” Loptr seethed. “Perhaps you have forgotten, Odinson, but you are in _my_ custody!”

“You brat! You coward! You didn’t even have the courage to capture me on your own, you sent mercenaries to do the deed!”

“I’d rather be a coward and tactful than the buffoon caught by one!”

“OK, _ergi_ , take these shackles off of me right now and see if you can catch me!”

“Fat chance, _orsï!_ ”

“At least I have the courage to talk to _my_ father about plans- you’re so afraid of him! Tell me, does he know of those wretched enchantments that you cast upon me?”

“He would have found out _after_ we had won the war!”

“So never, then?"

“Bah, and what would you know of tactics? Isn’t your signature just charging in like the great,big lummox that you are and expecting everything to go your way? How do you think that I planned my tactic to capture you? Tsk, no wonder your father is so disappointed in you as future king of Asgard."

That struck a nerve within Thor. He growled. Who was this supposed unknown prince who dared to know so much about Thor? Thor would show him. Thor felt his power surge through him despite the cuffs. He felt the metal crack beneath his fists, empowered as he was. _‘Yes,’_ he thought. He was going to teach this little frost-fucker a lesson!

Suddenly, he felt a dull throbbing against his left temple, and the world went black.


	3. Chapter 3

When Thor came to, he realised that they were in yet another cave. He was back in his chains, secured perfectly, with none of the cracks that he had remembered creating, and Prince Loptr was nowhere in sight. ‘Good,’ Thor thought. ‘I have no desire to see him.’

As he began to sit up, he realised that he was not so alone. Loptr _was_ in the cave with him, his back turned as he fiddled with something. Thor felt his anger at seeing the man rapidly fizzle out into sheer exhaustion. Honestly, he was too exhausted from the journey and the cold and the irregular meals to care at this point.

“That was quite a thunderstorm you managed.” Loptr said by way of conversation.

Thor let out a grunt in recognition.

“You’re a very powerful seidrmadr. I’m surprised.”

“I’m no ergi. And you are surprisingly strong for someone so small,” Thor rubbed the back of his head. The bruise, that he had no doubt had been on his head, was now gone.

“‘Ergi,’” Loptr toyed the word around his tongue. “That’s… that’s Aesir for ‘unmanly’, right? On Jotunheimr, we call them women.”

“Ergi is a term reserved for men,” Thor frowned. For a creature who presented himself as intelligent, this was some rather basic knowledge that he was unaware of. Thor knew that there was no issue in translation- after all, he had the Allspeak. He could have been talking in gibberish and this Jotunn should have still been able to understand him.

“Men…" Loptr contemplated. “Why would you call your men women? That makes no- oh, _oh_ , right, you Aesir are…”

“What?” Thor grew tired of waiting after about two breaths.

“Nevermind. It’s unimportant.” Loptr turned around and began to poke the fire.

Something had been nagging on Thor's mind since the start of their great-big getaway. "You haven't sent word to your father? Won't he be worried?"

"Of course not. I'm the spare's spare, I'm dispensable," Loptr said it like a joke, but there was something that Thor could see wasn't quite right. Loptr wasn't facing him, but his shoulders slouched slightly. His father was clearly a sore topic for him. Thor wasn't overly surprised. The Jotnar valued pride and courage- Loptr was neither of those things. He couldn't fault Laufey, honestly. But still... something in that resonated with Thor. He also felt like a disappointment to his father. And while he wasn't the _spare's_ spare, he didn't really want to be king either. He too felt as though he was born into the wrong station.

Still, whatever the issue between them was, Thor had a feeling that it would be key to liberating himself from Loptr's hold. He just didn't know how yet...

Thor sighed, turned, and brought his thoughts to a close, before eventually falling into slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

A week after the lightning incident, and Thor was _certain_ that his friends weren’t far behind now. And he had a feeling that Loptr knew it too. Why else had they walked three days without a break, Loptr practically dragging him through the snow.

Finally, the mad prince allowed Thor rest… in a cave behind a waterfall. Yup. In a few days this nightmare would be over. Loptr _definitely_ knew it too. Maybe that was why he had started that magic thing all over again- but with no potions this time, since those were hard to brew whilst one was on the run.

“What are these spells, witch?” Thor barked.

“None of your concern. If anything, I’ve taken off more spell-work than I’ve put on. Tell me, behemoth, who is this person who keeps sprinkling love-magicks on you?”

“What?” Thor’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“Every time I touch you with my seidr, there is this sprinkling of pink that bats at me, trying to encase you. Why?”

“It must have been my mother- and she did it because she loves me and wanted to _protect_ me!”

“Unless your mother has some sort of reverse-oedipus complex, I highly doubt that she put lust spell after lust spell on you,” Loptr remarked dryly.

Thor blushed immediately. “That is impossible. Your seidr must be mistaken.”

“My seidr is _never_ wrong, princeling.” Loptr smirked. “For example, it allows me to know that your friends, who have been diligently tracking us for near a week have been caught up in one of Boda’s s-s…torms” Loptr trailed off, his eyes wide. He’d clearly let something slip by accident and was hoping that Thor wouldn’t notice. Stupid Jotunn, of _course_ Thor noticed.

“Boda? Is that some kind of god of yours? Does your kind even have gods? I mean, look at the way you dress,” he gestured to Loptr’s shendyt. “It’s so primitive!”

“Of course we have _gods_! And don’t say his name, he might hear you!”

“Oh!” Thor crowed, clearly amused. “You’re one of _those_ religious types.”

“Boda is no _god_ ,” Loptr hissed. “He is the Witch of the Ironwood. And he is a dangerous, _dangerous_ man, a seidrmadr more powerful than I. He is upset by this war, angry with the As,” Loptr looked at Thor with the wide, pleading eyes of a man- no, a _boy_ , in complete despair. “If he finds you, he will _kill you_. And you will fail your father and I shall fail mine.”

Thor sat in silence for the first time in his life. The cave felt 30°C colder, the light from the fire dimmed a little.

.

The knowledge that there was a bloodthirsty maniac ready to kill him at first glance barely registered with Thor the next day, as they trekked through the snow.

That was when they came across a little village- with small huts. Odd, Thor thought, given that the huts could not possibly hope to house the massive Jotnar. Still, these people could be a source of shelter- he could finally feel _warm_ again, **_true_** warmth, not whatever spell Loptr had him under.

Loptr seemed to sense his desire. He turned and looked at Thor sharply. “No.”

“Pleaseeee,” He begged.

“ _No_ , come along, Thor!”

“I’m so _hungry_.”

“I’ll feed you.”

“And _cold_.”

“My warmth shields you-”

“And _tired_! Surely you are too! And besides, you are a prince of the realm, surely nobody would question you going into a little tavern!” Thor exclaimed. Plus, it would give Sif and Hogun an opportunity to catch up.

Loptr looked weary, hesitant. But Thor was no fool, he knew that the trip had been wearing Loptr down just as much as himself. After all, seidr was energy-consuming, and his seidr was all that was keeping the pair of them alive.

They walked into Jx, Loptr held his head low. He shouldn’t have bothered.

“Lo _ki_!” Thor turned his head, despite not recognising the name. It was clearly directed at them, from the person behind the bar. A Jotunn with long hair and effeminate features. A female Jotunn perhaps?

“Jarnsaxa,” Loptr- _Loki_?- acknowledged, resigned.

“Wow, I thought that I’d never see you again!” The lady raised her brows. “Who’s that? He yours? I knew you liked muscles, but _damn_ , you’re one stereotypical frostbitch.”

Loptr cringed at the word. Thor gaped. How on earth was Loptr letting that peasant treat him in such a way? “You’re one to talk, Jarnsaxa. You’re one to talk.”

Rather than being offended, Jarnsaxa looked _proud_. Thor frowned. What was going on here?

“He’s not here, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Jarnsaxa said.

“Oh? Found another, has he?”

“That is none of your concern, Laufeyson. And besides, you shouldn’t be one to throw stones, given your ice house. After all, he left you first.”

“Aye, that he did.”

“And I mean, you can’t blame him, truly. Look at you and look at me.”

OK, now Thor was losing his temper for apparently-Loki. Who was this woman- man? (Loki had said there were no woman in Jotunheim, even though that was confusing to Thor.) More importantly, why was Loki not standing up for himself? No peasant should be talking to him like that! And Loki was _wayyy_ more attractive than that Jotunn whore! (Though Thor would be _never_ openly admit it.)

“Oh well, now he’s left us both. Where’s Greta? I’d like to book a room.”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure that we’re being followed. This might not be the right place to stop,” Thor blurted out. He wasn’t going to stay here. He couldn’t do this. Not even Loki deserved this.

Loki looked at him, confused, but finally nodded, and they left.

.

“So,” Thor hummed as way of small talk (it _was_ getting awfully boring). “Your name is Loki?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?”

“It’s… never mind. Just don’t call me that. I’m _Loptr_ to you.”

“Who was that guy? Why was he being so rude to you?”

“None of your concern!”

“Why?”

“Know your place, Às!” Loki growled. “Are all of your kind this nosy? Is it a trait associated with halfthings like yourself!?”

“What _do_ you mean when you say ‘halfthing’?” Thor was growing increasingly frustrated.

“Never mind.”

“Stop saying that!”

Loki groaned, rubbing his eyes. “I liked you better when you couldn’t talk!”

“Well tough, because you disposed of the gag.”

A gag dropped into Loki’s lap from a pocket of space. “You’re clearly not fluent with the concept of seidr.”

“Space pocket? I’ve never seen that before.”

“Why thank you. I made it up.”

“Impressive,” Thor hummed. He thought, distractedly, that his mother would be interested in this kind of thing. What a weird thing to think. Then again, he supposed that he hadn’t thought of his family in a while. He sure did miss them.

Baldr, his younger brother. Tyr, his older, bastard brother. Frigga, his mother. Odin, his father. His friends too: Sif, Fandral, Hogun, _Volstagg_. Volstagg’s children… Sif and Fandral’s budding romance, Hogun’s ill-placed attraction to both of them. He wished the best for Hogun, truly, be he doubted that either Sif or Fandral felt anything more than friendly towards the Vanir. His mother’s maid, who had served as a nanny to him and Baldr as children, _Fulla_.

He’d be with them now if it wasn’t for this runt.

No. No, he supposed that that wasn’t entirely fair. He’d be with them right now had he not rushed into war over the actions of three jotnar. Three jotnar who broke into Asgard’s vault to try and steal back the Casket.

“He’s a prince too, though his father disowned him. He’s my cousin, Jarnsaxa Thrymson. His father is a lesser king than mine, and he was the result of a second marriage, but he still is my cousin.” Loki whispered.

“That doesn’t make what he said okay.”

“No, but… never mind…” Thor was going to kill Loki, even with his hands shackled as they were, if he said the words ‘never mind’ again.

Loki continued his spellwork on Thor. “How much left?” Thor asked, for no reason in particularly.

Loki gave him a quizzical look. “I didn’t think you the type to be interested by these sorts of processes?”

“Just curious. You _are_ tampering with my seidr, I suspect.”

“Something to that effect.”

“Ah.”

“Yes.” Loki continued his work wordlessly.

.

Thor’s luck had run out, it seemed.

As they were walking through the snowy forest, there was the cry of a bird. A _big_ bird. It was followed by the cries of many. And then this giant swarm of black wings was encircling them. Loki looked terrified. Thor wet his pants a bit.

The birds begun their assault. Nipping and scratching and biting and clawing. Tearing off pieces of their clothes and flesh.

“Uncuff me!” But Thor was already uuncuffed before he could finish his statement. He summoned a storm the size that nobody had ever seen before, terrified as he was. The birds fell from the sky, like bricks. Thor realised that the birds were going to fall on them and crush them. They were _dead_. Loki seemed to realise this too because he summoned whatever strength he had left and conjure a shield.

It was no good, Thor could see, even as the first hundred fell. Loki was losing his strength. He would collapse soon. Thor timed his move carefully, waited until the point where Loki’s shield had completely faded, and then barrel-rolled the both of them out of there, using his body to cover Loki’s. The few birds that hit them then were nothing against Thor’s back.

And that was when Thor heard it. A slow, infuriating, _mocking_ clap.

“Well, well. Looks like Loki’s found himself _another_ stud. Can’t say I’m surprised,” a voice from the woods drawled.

Thor growled, berserker rage flowing through him in the heat of the moment. “Who are you?” He stood over Loki’s prone body, briefly glancing down to make sure that Loki was still breathing.

“A friend.” Oh ho, Thor didn’t think so.

“Unlikely.”

“I am a seidrmadr. Someone who can help revive Loki. My name is Angrboda.” _Boda_. **_Oh_**.

Thor’s ears perked up, sensing his opportunity. “Angrboda, eh? And why would you help Loki? A lot around here don’t seem to like him.”

“We were lovers once.”

“Once?”

“Aye. We broke it off amicably.” B _ull_ shit! “I haven’t seen him in a while. I just want to help.”

“Well he’s fine. Just a little out of it. We’ll be on our way now.”

Angrboda gave him an infuriatingly knowing look before humming and nodding.

“OK. Nice meeting you… Prince Thor.”


	5. Chapter 5

Thor didn’t think that it was just dumb luck that Sif and Hogun arrived minutes after Angrboda left. Nor did he think that it was a coincidence that Loki had woken up right after he was out of sight.

“Halt, you Jotunn fiend!” Sif commanded.

Loki looked around, knowing that he was done for. Quick as a flash, he ripped Thor’s shirt right above his breast, placed a hand over his heart and muttered some words. Thor felt a searing pain as Loki leaned in close and pressed a kiss to his lips, soft, almost non-existent. A beat passed, Thor felt his normal feelings find their way back into his chest. With a roar, he threw Loki into the ground.

“Thor! My prince! What has he done to you!? I shall kill him for you!” Sif declared, drawing her sword.

“Go ahead. You’ll wind up killing your _prince_ too.”

Sif growled. “How dare you, _Jotunn_!? Whatever you have done to Thor, you better undo, or I’ll skin you alive!”

“Go ahead. But know that he’ll feel it too!”

“I demand you undo it!”

“I can’t. It’s an ancient spell that not even I can undo.”

“But the Queen Mother should be able to,” Hogun turned to Thor. “Come, I am afraid that we must bring this miscreant with us back to Asgard. The Allfather demands your return.”

“And what of Fandral and Volstagg?”

Silence.

“Brother, _tell me-_ ”

“They are no longer with us, Thor. A group of Jotnar launched a sneak-attack. They died trying to create a diversion to buy the others more time to escape.” It would have worked if you were there.

If he were there.

If Loki had not captured him.

His Beserker rage was back, and this time it was aimed at Loki. Before he knew it, Mjolnir was in his right hand, and his left hand gripped Loki’s throat tightly.

“Thor,” Sif’s voice came out deadly calm. “Thor, I know that you are upset, we are too, but _please_! Think about yourself- think about _us_! If you kill the thing, then you will kill yourself.”

Sif was the only one who could ever break him out of his Beserker rage. Well, Sif, his mother, and Baldr, he supposed. But Sif was the only one who could do it who wasn’t related to him.

“You’re right,” he dropped Loki to the ground, coming out of his rage. “You are… completely right. I will have my mother lift this curse… and then I shall have my revenge!” Thor vowed. “This I swear.”

Sif and Hogun both nodded, solemn. Loki managed to maintain his outward composure, but on the inside he was shitting himself. He had forgotten that Thor’s mother was Frigga Freyrsdottir herself. He was fucked. He was so fucked.

.

To say that Odin was worried about his son was an understatement.

Thor was the heir. Tyr was technically older, but a bastard. Balder was younger and more level-headed but… but there was something there, something about Thor. Yes, he was brash and arrogant, but beneath it all was an undeniable love for Asgard and its people. He believed he would make a better asset to Asgard as a warrior, wanted to protect his people in any way possible.

It was how Odin knew that he wouldn’t be a good king. No, Thor would be the best king that Asgard had ever, and probably _would ever_ , seen/see.

Aside from that, of course, Odin was his father and loved him and wanted him back unscathed because of course he did, that was all that any father wanted in this war. He’d already received news of Thor’s capture, hence Tyr’s raid on Utgardr. He’d also received the news of the deaths of Thor’s friends, Fandral and Volstagg, and while he was deeply saddened, he couldn’t help the guilty relief within him that Thor hadn’t been there; because while Thor could have undeniably handled himself… well, he didn’t want to think of what the consequence of the most minute mistake could be.

So when Sif and Hogun entered Asgard with Thor and the Tesseract (Heimdall had said that he couldn’t see Thor, so Odin had granted Sif and Hogun use of the Tesseract for their quest), he was both elated and yet full of surprise at the sight of the miserable creature that they were dragging in with them. It looked like a Jotun runt. Odin looked closer. Those were the markings of… Laufey? What on earth?

“My son!” Frigga cried, forgoing her queenly grace in favour of running up to Thor and enveloping him in a hug.

“Mother,” Thor looked so at peace with Frigga, it brought a smile to Odin’s lips. Sure, Frigga was closer to Baldr, but Thor and Frigga still made a cute mother-son pair.

“Son,” Odin nodded his head as way of greeting.

“Father,” Thor bowed. Good boy, Odin had taught him the ways of the court well.

“What is that?”

“This!” Thor grabbed the thing tightly by the arm. “ _This_ is Prince Loptr of Jotunheim!” There were gasps throughout the court. “Father, he has bewitched me. Some charm under which any harm brought to him will be wrought upon me! Father, he kidnapped me, which led to the deaths of many of our comrades- he tried to take control of my seidr.”

“And for that he must die,” Odin said, solemn. The rest of the court was in an agreeable buzz. “But if what you say is true, we must first undo the spellwork. Wife?”

Frigga waved her hands around in some complicated fashion that Thor did not understand. Judging by Loki’s gasp, and the tugging he felt at his own soul, something deep and profound was going on. He just had no clue what. When Frigga had mentally returned to them from her journey into their souls, her face was grim.

“I am afraid that what Thor says holds true. The Prince Loptr has indeed placed a spell on him to bind them. It would be unsafe to execute Loptr at this time. But in a few weeks I should be able to break this bond.”

“Excellent,” Odin nodded. “And until that time, Loptr shall reside in the dungeons. Guards, take him away.”

And they did. And Thor felt relieved for the first time in four months.

And also strangely empty.

.

As the days went by, there was no denying that Thor had lost most of his strength. His Queen Mother was still searching for what they needed to do to break the binding spell, but he was wasting away.

“It must be the spell,” Frigga mused, running a cool hand over her son’s feverish forehead. “My sweet son, I am afraid that being away from him only aggravates this spell.”

"I cannot stand to be in the same room as the one responsible for my friends’ death.”

Frigga looked thoughtful for a moment. “Sweetheart, you are hurting. But there is no sense in torturing yourself. Please, do it for me.”

“I’ll think about it.”

.

Thor’s stipulations were that he had to be gagged. His hands were cuffed. He was bound in much the same fashion as Thor had been under Loki’s custody.

“Listen here, Jotun. You have ruined my life. Do not think that me bringing you out of the dungeons is a mercy upon you. No. I crave your blood. And when the time comes, it shall be _I_ who wields the blade that beheads you, understood?” Loki made no noise, just kept his eyes down. “Excellent.”

It didn’t, however, stop Thor from feeling constantly hot. Sighing, Odin forced the Jotun, who was apparently a shapeshifter, to switch into an Aesir form. Black hair, fair skin, green eyes. _Disgusting_.

.

“My son, there is still the matter of the war at hand to consider.”

“Ah, yes. End it.”

"What?"

“You heard me. End it. There’s no point. We don’t intend to exterminate them, apparently. All that we’re doing is wasting more lives.”

“How do you propose that we do that?"

“Peace negotiations, father. We will begin talks on the morrow. I shall send a messenger to deliver my terms to Utgard."

Odin had never been more proud of his son than in that moment.


	6. Chapter 6

Laufey walked into Asgard, head held high, followed by his two, proud sons: Crown Prince Helblindi, and Prince Byleistr.

“Odin,” Laufey greeted.

“Laufey.” Odin nodded in acknowledgement.

“Odinson.” Helblindi bowed.

“Laufeyson.” Thor bowed back.

“Prince Balder.” Byleistr nodded.

“Prince Byleistr.” Balder nodded back.

“I assume that you called us here for more than just to exchange pleasantries,” Laufey drawled.

“Indeed.” Odin nodded. “We are here to broker peace. Asgard wishes to fight no longer.”

Laufey nodded. “Alright. What are Asgard’s terms?”

“Thor.”

“We want all of our captured warriors back, and in return are willing to give you back yours.”

“Done. We would like the immediate removal of Aesir troops from Jotunheim.”

“Done.”

“We would _also_ like compensation, given that this was a war that _you_ started.”

“Name your price.”

“The Casket.”

“No.”

“Your Kingdom has held on to it for far too long. We relinquished it millennia ago with the belief that it would prevent future wars with your kingdom. We have seen, from the actions of a few renegades, that that is simply not true, that there remain Jotnar who will defy even me in the hopes of recovering our Kingdom’s greatest defence. The Casket is my price, Odin.”

“And what proof have we that you will not immediately turn your back on this promise of peace once you have it back? That you will not turn around and use it against us immediately?”

“We can look into that more as negotiations come to a close.”

.

Thor hated being in the same room as Loki.

Unfortunately, however, his mother required them in the same room to perform her magics on them.

Frigga’s face was screwed in concentration. Whatever Loki had done was clearly very difficult to undo. It made no sense to Thor, how in the Nine could Loki know seidr more powerful than his mother’s!? This was Frigga frigging Freyrsdottir they were talking about!

A few hours later, they were sent away.

An unfortunate part of this curse was that due to Thor’s weakness when Loki wasn’t around, _guess who had to sleep in the same room as him_! **_Loki_**!

Loki slept on the floor. Thor, at Frigga’s prodding, had provided him with a pillow and a blanket. Loki, who was a Jotun, didn’t need the blanket, and so he used it as a makeshift mattress.

He wanted Loki to suffer for all that he had done. But if he brought harm to him, then he’d only be harming himself (not that Thor minded too much).

There had been a moment, while they had been travelling that… that… Thor knew exactly what to do. He knew how to punish Loki _and_ help Asgard at the same time.

.

“A wedding. A wedding will guarantee that they won’t use the Casket against us.” Thor said, startling the court.

“What!?” Odin and Laufey both spun.

“Son, what are you… whom would the participants be!?” Odin stared wide-eyed at his son.

“I will do it,” Thor volunteered.

“Who would you wed? The Jotnar are far too large for you to take to bed!”

“Not from what I’ve heard,” Karnilla whispered into Baldr’s ear. Baldr went red and made gagging noises.

“A runt. A runt would not be too large.”

“Jotunheim doesn’t have that many runts, and my son is the only one with royal blood. I doubt that you would subject yourself to marriage with him,” Laufey drawled. Thor could have imagined Byleistr’s forlorn look, or Helblindi’s discrete eye-roll.

“There is another of royal blood that would do. I speak of the runt Jarnsaxa.”

“Jarnsaxa was disowned.”

“But he still has royal blood in him. Surely he would still qualify.”

Odin and Laufey stared at each other. Finally, they bade everybody else out of the room, and spoke as two kings do. A long, arduous conversation that many would speculate over for centuries to come, but the specifics of which would die with each respective king. Finally, they reached their verdict.

Thor was to wed Jarnsaxa. As soon as their heir was produced, Jotunheim would get its Casket back.

.

It was all that anybody could talk about for days to come. Troops were coming back, families reunited. They all anxiously awaited this ‘Jarnsaxa’s’ arrival. The air of Asgard was rife with rumours about the King’s to-be-bride.

Some described him as a ‘her’. Others portrayed him as as villainous as that fiend, _Loki_ , the one who had bewitched their golden prince. Others wanted to wait until they saw Jarnsaxa to make their judgement of him.

Jarnsaxa arrived two weeks after the war was officially over. One of Odin’s stipulations had been that though the wedding would take place on Yuletide, a long-held tradition for the Aesir Royal Family, Thor would get to know Jarnsaxa beforehand.

Thor stood at the palace gate, waiting. Loki was bound on the ground, in a forced-kneeling position. Thor’s mother, father and brothers all stood beside him.

Jarnsaxa was decorated, more so than the last time that they’d seen one another. He was dressed in an elaborate golden skirt, his hair braided back with soft flowers in it. Delicate, ornate golden chains draped down from the left of his forehead to the top right of his ear. He looked _gorgeous_.

Thor looked down at Loki, who looked miserable, and new instantly that this was the right thing to do. He smiled charmingly at his future husband.

“ _Thor_!” Jarnsaxa put on his best sultry voice. He didn’t bother to spare a glance at his cousin, didn’t want to look petty, despite how much he was loving this. Mmm, yes, on the floor where he belonged.

“Jarnsaxa,” Thor bent forwards, placing a kiss to Jarnsaxa’s hand. “You look even more radiant than the last time we met.”

“And you all the more dashing,” Jarnsaxa beamed back. “Queen Frigga,” he turned to greet Thor’s mother next, “my, my, you are even more beautiful than all the poets and bards I’ve heard recount your beauty. King Odin, it is an honour to meet you. Prince Baldr, it is nice to meet you.”

Thor cringed a little internally. Jarnsaxa would need to get a tutor in speech, his was lacking just slightly. But that was okay. Jarnsaxa was undeniably beautiful, and in time would grace Thor with heirs. Two children, an heir and a spare, as was tradition.

“Come, love, I shall be taking you to your chambers. You will have access to three of mine,” Thor lead the way. Loki followed. Jarnsaxa frowned, confused.

“Why is he following us?” Jarnsaxa whispered to his fiancé.

“He is bound to me by a spell that my mother is reversing. She says it should be off by the end of the next month, but if we are too distant from one another for too long a time, we both get very weak, _I_ lose my ability to walk and such,” Thor shrugged. “But don’t worry, love, it’ll all be over soon. When it is, Loptr shall pay for his crimes against Asgard, he is to be executed,” he felt a little awkward bringing this up in front of Loki’s cousin. “Until then, he is to be your servant.”

“My servant!?” Jarnsaxa’s eyes widened, he looked so excited. “Really?”

“Yes. Just don’t hurt him, because one of the stipulations of the spell is that I feel his pain.”

“Don’t worry Thor, everything will go perfectly fine.”

Loki looked a mix between fearful and resigned. Good, Thor thought, ignoring the tug in his gut.


	7. Chapter 7

Jarnsaxa wasn’t overtly used to royal life, if he were to be quite honest with himself. When his father had disowned him, his aunt Farbauti had brought him to live in Utgard. A few moons later, Loki was born. That made two runts for Laufey to look after. But while Jarnsaxa was a true gem of a child: beautiful, smart, obedient, Loki was quite the opposite: unruly, butch, and clever. Not a good frostbitch, no.

Laufey had held out _some_ hope that Loki wouldn’t be a frostbitch, that he’d take another runt, be a good and proper Jotun despite his size. Jarnsaxa laughed internally, oh no. Loki was a frostbitch, just not a good one. He’d never be able to satisfy his partners, wasn’t that what had happened with Angrboda and now what was happening with Thor?

But anyways, back to Jarnsaxa. At the tender age of 1000, he had decided that it was time to leave Utgard and start a life of his own. He found an inn in a village of half-bloods and other runts, offered himself up as a barkeep, and that had been his life thereafter… well, minus the thing with Angrboda, but that was ancient history.

So even though he _had_ experience with royal life, he still had some old habits from his life as a peasant.

Good thing that he had Loki!

“Loki, fetch my breakfast!”

“Loki, fetch my clothes!”

“Loki, run me a bath!”

“Loki, bathe me!”

“Loki, dress me!”

“Loki, comb my hair for me!”

“Loki, make my bed!”

“Loki, open the curtains, dammit!”

“Loki, close the curtains, its too damned hot in here!”

“Loki, I can’t see anything, turn on the lights!”

“Loki! It’s too bright in here, turn off the lights!”

“Loki, fetch Thor for me!”

Loki did as he was told, turning and leaving the room.

.

“What do you want?” Thor growled.

“Jarnsaxa wants you,” Loki shrugged.

Thor nodded.

Loki didn’t like Jarnsaxa, Thor could tell as much. Thor didn’t know why, though deep down he knew he wanted to. The only problem with admitting that he wanted to would be that in doing so he would inadvertently be saying that he cared about Loki enough to at least learn his origin story, and Thor was _not_ going to do that. And besides, his mother might tell him.

“We are meeting my mother at eleven. Don’t be late.”

“Of course, sir.” Thor had to hold himself back from beating the hell out of Loki for that.

.

Frigga had just begun peeling off layers of the seidr encompassing her son. It was dark seidr, incredibly dark. Powerful too. She hadn’t seen anything like this before in her life- and she’d grown up with _witches_! Her own mother was _the_ Queen Freyja of Vanaheim, a being so notorious that dark-seidr was practically listed down as her definition in a dictionary somewhere.

“It’s alright if this is hard, mother. You can take your time, there’s no need to rush. He isn’t going anywhere, we will still have our retribution. It just needs to be gone by Jarnsaxa and my wedding.”

“No, no, sweetheart, it’s quite alright. I’ll keep going at it… what I don’t understand is how your companion ever got access to such seidr in the first place,” Frigga frowned. “Jotunheim doesn’t celebrate seidr, and its far too complicated for someone as young as yourself to have learnt on your own,” Frigga turned to Loki.

“I was taught.”

“How? I somehow doubt that your father would have hired a tutor for you.”

Loki stayed silent. Jarnsaxa, who was with them because he was Thor’s fiancé and Thor was spending as much time with him as possible, perked up. “It was Angrboda, wasn’t it.”

Loki didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. It irked Thor that this whole predicament was brought about by that-that _thing_ he’d seen in the Ironwood. That that thing that had tried to kill him and Loki- apparently Loki’s ex- was now the reason that he was bound to this stupid fucking Jotun.

“Do _you_ know how to undo it?” Frigga asked, finally.

“Yes, though my method is crude.” Loki shrugged.

“Why not just bring Angrboda here to ask for his help?” Jarnsaxa put forth. “He’s the greatest dark sorcerer in the Nine, surely he’d be able to undo one of his own spells.”

“No,” both Loki and Thor said at the same time. They both blushed, Thor glared at Loki.

“Mother, Angrboda is _dangerous_. Let us use Loptr’s methods.”

Frigga nodded. “I would request that he stay here within my chambers. I know that he has been given to Jarnsaxa as a servant, so Jarnsaxa can stay with me as well. Plus, it will be a great opportunity for me to get to know your fiancé.”

“Very well mother, if Jarnsaxa permits it.”

Of course, my Queen Mother,” Jarnsaxa’s smile was sickly sweet, Loki grimaced.

.

Thor had missed training with his friends. Well, what was left of them now that Fandral and Volstagg were… were… No, he must not let himself be upset. There would be a funeral for all of Asgard’s fallen on the new moon, in two weeks. He would grieve then.

There was, of course, the added benefit of knowing that any injuries suffered to him at Sif and Hogun’s hands would be felt by Loki. He defeated both of his friends, of course, but managed to get a good deal of bruises in the process. Good, perfect. He then proceeded to fight every single soldier in Asgard.

He could barely walk back, Sif and Hogun had to help carry him. He was grinning all the way as Sif chastised him. Not that it mattered much, as both she and Hogun were smiling themselves. Yup. They all knew.

.

Queen Frigga was a funny creature, Loki thought to himself. She was fiercely protective of her son, that much was evident. A true family woman. But for what he’d done to her son, one would think that she wouldn’t be sitting here, as Jarnsaxa slept, secretly teaching Loki seidr.

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I know in your heart that you are not a bad person,” Frigga explained. Something or someone has hurt you, and I don’t know what it was but I am determined to find out, to save both you and my son from this insanity. Because although you might not believe it, and neither will he, there’s something… there _is_ something. You two were made for each other. I can’t put my finger on it… but there has to be a deeper reason that Thor brought Jarnsaxa here to spite you. I know you both pine for one another, that you’re both too ashamed to admit it, but I know you should be together nonetheless. The only problem is that I can’t do anything about it, because my husband, sons, and the Aesir in general are too damned stubborn to see sense, and therefore I must act by proxy and hope that Thor doesn’t make the mistake of his life by marrying Jarnsaxa. “And besides, I enjoy teaching.”

Loki nodded, naively accepting her answer.

Frigga looked Loki up and down. Yeah, he’d probably be able to birth a couple.

.

Thor had planned an immaculate date for Jarnsaxa. They were to go horseback riding. Loki’s shackles would be off, since he couldn’t get far without becoming immensely weak anyways. This would enable him to be a more efficient servant.

Jarnsaxa did not take to horseback riding well. He was terrified of being on his horse, Greta, despite that she was the sweetest most gentle horse in all of Asgard. 14 years old, and she’d _never_ thrown anyone off. Loki flew besides them as a bird. Thor was starting to wonder if Jarnsaxa would have felt more comfortable riding a horse!Loki… hmm… maybe on the way back.

Still, they couldn’t have gotten to Hrymvadr fast enough. It was a little cove in the middle of Asgard’s main forest, Black Wood. Romantic, it had been where Thor’s grandparents met.

“Loki, set up the site,” Thor handed Loki the basket.

Grumbling, Loki obeyed.

“My love, are you alright?” Thor helped Jarnsaxa off of his horse.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” Jarnsaxa adjusted his skirt.

Thor’s mother had given Jarnsaxa an Aesir form to protect him from the heat. Long, wavy black hair; blue eyes; freckles; and rosy, plush lips were apparently the constituents of his natural Aesir form. His body was lithe, less muscular than Loki’s, more curvy, softer. He wore a top now too. It was a plain linen one, to compliment the beautifully embroidered skirt he wore. And earrings. Thor was starting to wonder if his mother should have just given Jarnsaxa a female form to begin with. He probably would have liked the breasts more.

About five minutes into their date saw Thor making out with Jarnsaxa. Jarnsaxa was very beautiful, Thor had to admit. They weren’t allowed to have sex before their marriage, or at least their parents weren’t allowed to know that they’d had sex before their marriage. It was an age-old tradition, despite that both of them had most definitely had sex on prior occasions.

Loki looked at them briefly from where he sat by the pond. Thor had bade him away, said that he could go an entertain himself. And Loki was. He was drawing runes into the soil, playing with his seidr, and contemplating a swim. He wore servants robes, as apparently his shendyt wasn’t enough in Asgard. No, instead he was put in a plain green tunic with black leather pants. Sturdy so that he could work in them.

Jarnsaxa and Thor looked pretty busy with one another, they surely wouldn’t mind if he had a dip- he hadn’t bathed in _ages!_ But… he sighed, looking up at the sky. It looked like it was too late for a swim, maybe next time.

They rode back as the sun began to fall. Thor suggested that Jarnsaxa ride with him, that left Loki with Greta. Loki didn’t need help getting onto the horse. He wasn’t used to the saddle, but he had ridden on a horse before, albeit a much more tempestuous one. No, he’d get sad if he thought about that. He missed Svad. He stroked Greta’s hair, thinking of an old black mane he missed. _No!_

Thor kept Jarnsaxa in front of him, his hands encircling his hips. He leaned forwards, feeling Jarnsaxa’s back against his chest. Yeah, he could get used to this. Loki was doing well with Greta. That was odd. He’d just assumed that Jotnar didn’t have any horses- he knew that he’d never seen any in Jotunheim, not even as they’d marched back to Utgard. Oh well, Loki had grown up in the palace, he figured, so he probably had more liberties than someone’s disowned son.

Poor Jarnsaxa, Thor held him tighter. He didn’t deserve to be cast away like that for something as silly as his size.

Loki fell asleep on Greta during their ride, but that was OK because Greta was really sweet and made sure that her rider didn’t fall off. Sweet Greta. She really was the best.


	8. Chapter 8

Frigga had managed to peel back a good chunk of Loki’s magic back. They still felt each other’s pain, but Loki had mentioned that that would be the last part to go.

“It is the strongest part.”

“And why can’t you just undo everything?” Thor growled.

“My magic would take months, _years_ perhaps, to undo this spell. Your mother’s will have it over much sooner. And besides, do you truly trust me to not add more layers to it?”

Thor eventually decided to take Jarnsaxa to the training grounds. They were, after all, his favourite place in all of Asgard. A bunch of the warriors bared their teeth at Loki. He merely rolled his eyes and stood his ground.

“Thor, may I challenge your servant to a fight?” Sif asked.

“He’s not my servant. You will have to ask Jarnsaxa.” Thor crossed his fingers, hoping that Jarnsaxa would say yes. He needn’t have.

“Absolutely!” Jarnsaxa beamed. “Loki,” he called Loki like a dog. “Come here, boy. Fight this fair lady.”

Loki rolled his eyes. He swaggered over to Sif.

“Choose your weapon,” Sif withdrew her sword.

Loki didn’t hesitate. “Knives.”

The gathering crowd‘oohed’ and jeered. Thor had no worry. He knew that Sif was still grieving Fandral, but she would stop just short of killing Loki, and frankly, Thor think that he owed Sif the pain. He didn’t care about getting hurt, his friend needed to grieve, and if this was the only way to do it effectively, then really, what were a few broken ribs?

Sif lunged first with her sword. Loki dove away, a coward’s move. He ducked and dived, before catching her hand and dragging her to the floor. Big mistake. Sif pulled Loki down with her, but as she moved to stand up, he played dirty and kicked at her legs. She lunged up with her sword, Thor felt a piercing against his left flank, but ignored it in favour of watching the riveting fight laid before his eyes.

Jarnsaxa, meanwhile, huffed. “He’s going to barrel-roll her into an upright position, then flip her using his dagger, slicing open her hand instead of slicing it off like he usually would.” True to his word, Loki did exactly that. Sif knocked him down. Loki threw two of the twelve knives he’d picked up, throwing her off balance, jumping up quickly, before throwing in more to effectively pin her to the ground and stop her from moving.

“Do you yield?” Loki panted.

Sif let out a growl-shout, struggling against the daggers, but Loki had positioned them carefully. Unless she possessed some super-Às strength, she wouldn’t get out. Eventually she gave up. “Fine.”

Nobody cheered. There were some laughs and jeers, boos, calls of sorcery, but not a single cheer. Thor was furious to see his friend defeated. Growling, he stormed over to the centre and shoved Loki aside to help Sif up. He grabbed the knives from the ground, they were wedged in deep, but he managed to remove them.

“You fought well,” Thor congratulated her.

“He fought better.” Sif wasn’t going to admit, but yeah she shipped it too.

“Bah! You fought with courage and bravery! He fought like a w-”

“ _Don’t_ finish that sentence, Thor,” Sif growled.

Thor blushed. “I am so sorry.”

.

Frigga was not proud on how she was spying on Loki’s thoughts, but he was a rather interesting person. Every night as he slept (he slept in Thor’s room as a weird sort of ‘recharge’ for the both of them, being within a close proximity and whatnot) she would hover over him and read whatever he was dreaming of, occasionally trying to guide his dreams so she could see the parts she needed to see.

There was something blocking her access. Something dark, that Loki had clearly put away for good measure. She hesitated: did she really have a right to pry this far?

It was for the good of the kingdom, she reasoned. But at the same time, any damage done to Loki would be done to Thor. If she broke his mind… she shuddered. No. No. It was not worth it. Not if Thor was at risk, no.

.

One of Jarnsaxa’s lessons in court etiquette included seidr lessons.

He had seidr, as members of royal families tended to have. And he knew basic seidr. Some of it was the same dark stuff that Loki knew, but nowhere near as powerful. He also didn’t seem to have the natural affinity for seidr that Loki did.

Frigga managed, after 9 gruelling days, to teach him how to heal a cut. While he slept, Frigga taught Loki how to heal cuts, check temperatures, create coloured baubles, make things hot, create clones, and how to tell where someone was even when blind. And he taught her how to create a space pocket! What a clever kid.

She even showed him how to sharpen a knife with his seidr! He was forever in love with this lady! But he had no clue why she was wasting her time on him. Surely she realised that once this spell was broken Thor would kill him, and then all of this tutelage would be for naught. After all, Queen Frigga was the wisest person in her family!

.

Thor took Jarnsaxa to Idunn’s orchard next. He bravely climbed a fifty-foot tree to get the highest apple for his beloved. Loki looked around and waited for the time to pass. Ymir’s Beard, he could have done this in a third of the time!

Seriously. Thor was one bad climber.

Jarnsaxa decided that talking would be a good way to pass his time.

“Oh, Thor’s so brave! Don’t you think, cousin?”

“Yes,” Loki replied, monotonous.

“Such a good fiancé! I’m so lucky!”

“Yes.”

“And so handsome too! Our children will look perfect!”

“Yes.”

Jarnsaxa shot Loki, whose attention had been diverted to a small squirrel moving around, a dirty, scathing look. Urgh, he couldn’t believe how jealous Loki was of him! It was _disgusting_! Jarnsaxa supposed that he couldn’t really blame his poor little cousin. He was the uglier of the pair of them, and Jarnsaxa was the one engaged to the future King of _Asgard_ , while Loki’s destiny was to be killed at said king’s hands in a month. Pity.

Eventually, Thor came down and handed Jarnsaxa the apple. A plush, juicy, golden one. Loki could hear it singing. Jarnsaxa took one bite and smiled that sickly-sweet smile of his. They shared a kiss, the nectar of the apple still coating Jarnsaxa’s lips. Loki looked away and suppressed a retch at how disgusting it was when Thor sucked on Jarnsaxa’s lips. Yup.

Disgust.

That was what it was.


	9. Chapter 9

Loki had a nightmare that night. He didn’t know what it was, but it felt like a gentle prodding, someone pulling him somewhere he didn’t want to go, and then there it was. One moment he was sipping tea with a Bilgesnipe, the next there was blood. So much blood. And Bylesitr… oh he was going to _kill_ Byleistr for what he did! He never wanted to see his brother again! Red tears streamed down his face.

Someone was shaking him. Loki lunged out. _No_! No! He was not going to play Laufey’s obedient child, not when _his own father_ had been the real mastermind behind this! Not when _he_ had been the one to order Loki to kill-

A small burst of lightning shocked him. Loki gasped and his eyes opened. His vision was blurry at first, his ears ringing. It took him a while to realise that that was because he was still screaming and crying. He was hysterical.

The person who had woken him up had (would you have guessed it?) been Thor. Thor was looking at him with concern that he’d _never_ seen on the warrior’s face, and boy was that saying… well, actually, that was saying nothing given that Thor hated him.

A door opened. Jarnsaxa. A moment later, Frigga.

Loki’s hands were bleeding. He was still in Thor’s arms, from where Thor had let a gentle and controlled burst of lightning hit him. Thor had scratches on his arm, and Loki winced a little as he moved his own arms, feeling them. _Ouch_! It turned out that he had also scratched Thor across the face. And had punched him in the stomach, and _oh-_ ** _ouch_** , oh… _oh_! Oh, he felt _that_ blow. Just about 10cm under the navel. Oh yeah. _Ow!_

“Thor! What did you do to him!?” Frigga admonished, because she was _not_ about to admit that her curiosity got the better of her to the point where she risked endangering her own son. And besides- it had been a careful, _gentle_ guide, it hadn’t been like she’d ripped down the whole fucking wallow something!

“Nothing! He was having a nightmare!”

“I thought that you used that dark magic Boda taught you so you wouldn’t have any more nightmares,” Jarnsaxa frowned at Loki.

“I did- I do. Something went wrong,” was the curt reply he received. Loki was in no mood to play nice right now. Not when he’d… seen…

Thor noticed Jarnsaxa looking at him funny, and immediately blushed and pushed Loki off of his lap.

“Thor, sweetheart, are you hurt?” Frigga turned to her son.

“No, I’m fine.” He knew that Loki had hurt him considerably, but honestly he didn’t care. “What do you mean you used dark magic?”

“Well, Thor,” Loki drawled that infuriating drawl of his, “when a young seidrmadr is taught a spell that guarantees him no more nightmares, he tends to implement it.”

This was not helping with Thor’s rising temper, and Frigga sensed that immediately.

“Loki, why don’t you come back to my rooms for the night? I can see if there are any lingering effects of the seidr you used. Jarnsaxa, why don’t you stay here. You can practice your seidr if you want by healing Thor.”

Loki nodded his assent. “Yes, Queen mother,” Jarnsaxa bowed.

As soon as Frigga was gone, Jarnsaxa begun his work trying to heal Thor’s scratches. He did manage to heal them somewhat, but not fully.

“Relax,” Thortook Jarnsaxa’s hands in his own and planted a soft kiss to them. “You did so well, and you’ve helped me greatly. The rest are all minor, and they will probably heal by the morning. Let us just cherish that my mother gave us permission to share chambers this one night before our marriage, and lie here together.”

“Oh Thor, of course!” Jarnsaxa breathed, dreamily. Oh, Thor was so _charming_! He snuggled into Thor’s flank, and Thor wrapped one of his big, strong arms around his waist. _Mmm,_ ** _Perfect_**!

.

As soon as they were alone together in Frigga’s chambers, the mighty queen collapsed to the floor, arms around Loki’s legs and sobbing into his knees. “Oh Loki, Loki please forgive me! I didn’t mean to bring you any harm!”

Loki was thoroughly confused, but then he realised what she meant and internally slapped himself. _Of course_! There was no way that the barrier into that dream could have been broken without a seidr practitioner trying to break it.

“It’s okay,” he bent down to pick the Queen up. Really, it was. He’d had a whole two centuries to get over it. He was over it. Wasn’t he? “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

Frigga’s face was tearstained. Sweet lady, didn’t she realise that he didn’t care at this point? That he didn’t care anymore? He was going to die soon anyways, and once he did, all of his problems would be solved. This whole, long nightmare would finally be over. He _really_ didn’t care anymore.

“Why are you hiding your memories,s-Loki?” Oh no, she’d almost said ‘son’! That would give away her biased outlook on things!

“Nothing, m-my Queen.” Shoot! He’d almost said ‘mother’! That would have given away how much he cared for her! Granted, he’d never had a mother. Farbauti had passed away as he was being delivered. He knew this because he’d been reminded of it every day while living with Laufey.

“Loki, these walls aren’t healthy. What if it had not been I? What if, for example, it had been this ‘Boda’ you speak of?”

“I’m scheduled to be executed as soon as this spell comes off. I’ll never see Angrboda again,” Loki shivered. It was one of the things that made dying worth it.

“You never know what will happen,” Frigga lied. Like fucking hell she was going to let her idiot family kill her baby. “What if Laufey stormed the castle tomorrow with Angrboda’s help to bring you back?”

Loki let out a laugh. “Laufey would never risk peace with Asgard for a _runt_. When I was five a group of Raiders captured me and demanded a ransom. Laufey sent a messenger to laugh at them. It was how I learnt to turn myself invisible.”

Frigga bit her lip. _Her baby_! “Still, you’re a clever kid, I’m sure you could get out!”

Loki sighed. He didn’t want to trouble her with his emotional angst. “Sure. OK. But even then, I am unlikely to run into Angrboda. He lives in the Ironwood, and I almost never venture there.”

“What about when you were with Thor?”

What? “I’m sorry, I’m unaware of this.”

Right, Thor had mentioned that Loki was unconscious. Frigga vaguely remembered them coming in through the doors, they had both been quite badly hurt.

“Right after the bird-storm. You were unconscious, but Angrboda approached you two. He said that you two were lovers.”

Loki blushed. “Well yes, yes we were.”

“You dated your teacher,” Frigga’s brows raised.

Loki somehow managed to blush even more furiously. “Well, yes. But it wasn’t like that! We were dating and _then_ he started teaching me. Because we were dating.” Yes. That was the truth. The exact truth. Not in reverse order.

Frigga chuckled. “I don’t blame you. Certain seidr, particularly dark, can involve a lot of intimacy. And you seem to be quite skilled with dark seidr.”

“Angrboda was half-Vanir, but all of his seidr comes from Vanaheim. _You’re_ Vanir and _you_ were raised by witches, did they never teach you dark seidr?”

Frigga just smiled sweetly to herself and said nothing. Loki blushed at the implications. No. _No_. He couldn’t possibly think of Queen Frigga doing something like that- _ever_! Everybody knew, after all, that Thor… Thor and Baldr… the two princes of Asgard… were brought in… by storks… or something. Yes, seidr-wielding storks… that made sense (well, it made more sense than the Allmother ever, _ever_ doing the s-word, **_especially_** with **_Odin)_**.

“Anyways,” Loki changed the subject, “I don’t think that it’s a good idea to get rid of the shields. I don’t even completely remember putting them up. My seidr must have done it subconsciously to protect me.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“I know! But there is this whole period of two months that I can’t account for, and afterwards everything was fine. They must have been placed during that period. And if we bring them down, then I will lose my mind, and at this present moment it is likely that Thor will too,” his voice was grim. He didn’t like Thor or anything, but he still didn’t want Thor to feel that kind of pain.

Frigga’s mouth fell into a thin line. “If we do it slowly, we can gradually wean you off-”

“-or we could his a _nerve_ and I could die or something,” Loki waved his hands. “It’s fine, really. Whatever lays behind those barriers is probably best left unprovoked.”

Frigga hid her frown. Loki was refusing to see sense! One day, as Queen/Co-King of Asgard- because _fuck it_ , there was no way that Thor was serious about marrying Jarnsaxa! Could the pair work? Oh, definitely. Would Thor long for Loki for the rest of his life? You bet!- these barriers would put him at risk! _Especially_ when Angrboda decided one day that he wanted to invade and try to, Norns forbid, steal Thor and Loki’s child or something!

“Fine,” Frigga held her hands up. Loki would have to come to this realisation on his own. “Are you alright? Do you need some water?”

“No, thank you Queen Frigga.”

“My pleasure.”

.

Thor grumbled as he slathered himself in oil. The oil was so that he wouldn’t hurt Loki, and thereby himself, too much. Apparently part one of ‘crude methods’ involved fighting one another. As did parts two to five, but under different circumstances and by different methods.

Loki really hoped that this worked. It did the last time, but who knew if it would again.

It was a simple fistfight, really. That was all that they had to do. Batter and bruise one another up. Make it so that the seidr binding them would fight itself on both fronts. But not hurt each other too much, of course.

Thor lunged at Loki. Loki did the same at Thor. There was elbowing, kneeing, punching, clawing. Jarnsaxa looked away, scandalised. That was _not_ how a frostbitch should behave, _especially_ with another frostbitch’s man! Loki slapped Thor, Thor clawed at Loki’s hair. Sif, who had thought that this would be entertaining, looked away. This was hard to watch (without bursting out into laughter at the ludicrousy of it all).

Eventually, it all came to an end. Loki lay panting under the heat of the Asgardian Sun, with Thor right beside him, still kicking him on occasion.

“Did that weaken it at all?” Loki asked Frigga.

Frigga hummed, checking. “A little bit… more work needed though.”

“Aye, my Queen.”

Thor growled, as soon as his mother was out of earshot. “She’s not _your_ queen.”

Loki said nothing, only infuriating him more.

.

All around Asgardians flocked, setting things right. Today was the full moon. Today was the day that they set a funeral for their dead, for the hundreds of Aesir who had died during the war. Minuscule, of course, compared to the thousands and _thousands_ of Jotnar who had died, Loki seethed.

Thor was in a particularly solemn mood. Two of his closest friends had died. One of whom had left behind a wife and kids (though Thor had done his best to see to it that _all_ widows were well catered for after the war). He was busy threading garlands along with Sif.

Sif had grieved. She’d grieved and grieved for days after the news had reached her, in Odin’s throne room. It had fuelled her quest to find Thor, to bring him safely home. If Fandral and Volstagg had just come with them… but then there would be hundreds more dead. She had to face the facts, the pair had died heroes. She pressed a kiss to the garland that she was making, as though she were pressing a kiss to her beloved’s skin.

It was why she could not ethically allow Thor to marry Jarnsaxa. How did Thor not see that he was doing this to mask his own true twisted feelings about Loptr? His _real_ feelings, not _just_ the hate, but also the adoration and the sense of intrigue and the pride that was so fucking obvious to the entire court! Thor hadn’t wanted to see Loptr fight her to see him humiliated, he’d wanted to bear witness to the object of his _true_ fascination’s battle prowess. She meant really, _Jarnsaxa_? Flowery, dainty little Jarnsaxa, the maiden to Thor’s knight in shining armour? Thor was the best damned liar in the entire Nine if he was able to convince himself _truly_ that he was attracted to the vulnerable kind. Or, well, the passive-vulnerable kind (was that a term? She didn’t know).

That was where Loptr and Jarnsaxa differed. Jarnsaxa _wanted_ to be vulnerable, he had this idea of femininity in his head that he couldn’t shake out. Loptr _hated_ his vulnerability. Tried to deny its existence altogether. It was toxic. Very, _very_ toxic. But it was _Thor’s_ kind of toxic! And she was going to kill Thor if he let a good thing get away from him like that (because for all of Thor’s fury at Loptr, there was no way that he was _actually_ going to kill him. Publicly ridicule at best, maybe get Laufey to banish him from Jotunheim, but not _kill him_.) after she had lost _her_ one true love.


	10. Chapter 10

Thor stood stoically, Jarnsaxa beside him. The night’s winds had stilled for this solemn occasion. Thank you Njord.

The archers all raised their bows, Thor among them, and fired their arrows. Flaming arrows fell from the sky in droves, striking loved ones’ funeral shrouds. Thor heard the wails of the bereaved behind him and his heart clenched. Jarnsaxa took his hand and squeezed lovingly. Thor felt an unpleasant lump in his throat. Also, his hands hurt.

Loki sat in Frigga’s garden, fists clenched so hard blood was dripping down them.

This was all his fault. This was all his fault, and nobody could ever know.

.

Their next fight was on a hilltop, surrounded by elements. This time they were supposed to draw blood.

Thor had Mjolnir in one hand. Loki had his knives in his hands. They were both dressed in rags to avoid wasting clothes. Sif had ‘jokingly’ suggested that they battle naked.

Loki charged Thor, knives at the ready. Instead of meeting the blow with Mjolnir, like he felt compelled to do, he let Loki pierce his skin. That was supposed to be what they did, right? He then proceeded to fling Loki to the ground and smash his arm in with Mjolnir. He winced and clutched his own arm. Ouch!! That hurt! He couldn’t feel his own arm now, what was he supposed to do?

Loki, meanwhile, lay on the ground, face blank, paralysed with pain. This wasn’t the worst he’d been through, he reminded himself. He shook, trying to will himself to get up. It didn’t work. There was just too much pain.

Thor managed to put his foot on Loki’s back, and drag him forcefully along the rough ground. Loki grimaced as the cloth covering his back gave way, and soon the skin too, blood staining both. Thor clearly felt it too, because he stopped soon after.

There. They’d both sufficiently wounded one another _and_ managed to draw blood. They could go home now.

Frigga bent down to cradle Loki’s arm in hers, murmuring healing spell after healing spell. When she had taken sufficient-enough care of it, to the point where Loki could move again, and had begun to heal it on his own, she moved to Thor, healing his stab wounds. There were two on his shoulders and one by his stomach. She placed a gentle kiss on her son’s forehead and then walked back with Loki.

“You were so brave,” Jarnsaxa wept. He swooped in for a kiss.

“Thank you,” Thor kissed back, somewhat dazed.

.

Part of the arrangement was, of course, that if either Laufey’s court or Asgard’s found the culprit responsible for starting the war, that person would be killed.

Odin had a whole court of people looking into it. Whoever it had been had managed to get into Asgard undetected, and that was a _serious_ security threat. What if they did it again? What if they chose a more formidable ally? They’d managed to evade Heimdall’s gaze, they were probably still out there.

Odin was also upset that the Jotun boy was still bonded to Thor. That runt had risked the death of his _son_ , his _child_ , his _heir_! The kid who had crawled into his and Frigga’s rooms, age three, scared of lightning! It was _treason_! And he’d shown _no remorse_ for his actions either!

He was a seidrmadr who had kept Thor hidden from Heimdall. For all he knew, _Loptr_ had probably helped those ‘rogue’ Jotnar break into Asgard. Perhaps even on Laufey’s request!

Whatever the case may be, Loptr needed to die. For the good of Asgard, because there was no possible way that that Jotun had Asgard’s best intentions at heart… or even Asgard’s mediocre intentions at heart.

Besides, it was bad enough that he had to put up with that other one, Jarnsaxa, in his house. He was so ditzy, there was no way that he’d be able to be a good queen. Hopefully his children would be more serious, he feared for Asgard’s safety as a kingdom. Jarnsaxa was the type of queen who would think that keeping multiple Infinity Stones in the same location was a good idea, or something. Not a bad wife, just not a good queen.

.

Thor took Jarnsaxa out to another pond. Again, Loki followed as their picnic-setter.

When about ten minutes in the pair were kissing again, Loki decided to sneak off behind a bush, ditch his clothes, and go on a swim.

The water was cold, which Loki was appreciative of. The sun in Asgard was rather hot, given that it was currently summer, and it was nice to have this cool reprieve.

He shape-shifted to give himself gills and eyes that could see underwater. He breathed a soft sigh at the delicious feeling of the water moving past him, over his limbs, the general joys of being submerged.

The fish in this lake were beautiful. They all had such lovely, shiny scales: golden, magenta, teal, silver, dark green. And their beautiful tails!

His hair floated above him, like a jellyfish. He _loved it_ _when that happened_! It was one of his favourite parts of swimming! He was having the time of his life.

Thor took a leap and lowered his hands a little, getting a little under-the-shirt action. Jarnsaxa consented and let him feel around there. Jarnsaxa in turn got in closer and sat in Thor’s lap, hands roaming over his muscles. Thor felt a rush of pride fill him, after all, he had spent countless hours battling on Asgard’s behalf to earn those muscles. It felt good to be appreciated.

They were like that for about another hour, before Thor’s hands moved lower. Jarnsaxa’s breath hitched in excitement. Thor slipped a hand down Jarnsaxa’s ornate skirt and took his member in hand. He began to gently squeeze up and down it, until he felt pre-cum beading at the head. He took some and rubbed it down Jarnsaxa’s length.

Jarnsaxa had his head resting in the crook of Thor’s neck. _“Aah!_ Thor, I’m so wet! Oh, yes Thor! Lower.” That confused Thor. He gripped the base of Jarnsaxa’s prick (maybe he meant his balls?) but Jarnsaxa reached a hand to grab Thor’s and lead it to- Thor nearly jumped out of his skin. His shock jostled Jarnsaxa.

“What is that!?” Thor screeched.

“My entrance?” Jarnsaxa frowned, sitting with his legs wide and bent. “What do you mean?”

“Your- your?” Thor pulled the skirt up and froze. “You don’t have to use your seidr in such a way. I would have you as you are.”

“This _is_ how I am… are the Aesir not like this? It is the default for all Jotnar.”

Suddenly, it all hit Thor like a ton of bricks.

_‘Why would you call your men women?’_

_‘Is it a trait associated with halfthings like yourself?’_

_‘Ergi. That’s… that’s Aesir for ‘unmanly’, right? On Jotunheimr we call them women.’_

And of course they called them women. They had no women. Thor felt like such an idiot- how on Asgard else was Jarnsaxa going to birth him children. Wait, that meant that Loki had a pussy! That was a weird thought, he blushed. It just occurred to Thor that ‘frostbitch’ was an actual gender, not some insult. But why the word ‘bitch’ of all words? Was it meant to be derogatory?

He looked to Jarnsaxa to ask, but the words died on his tongue. Instead. “May I touch it?”

“Why of course, Thor!” Jarnsaxa chirped.

Thor lifted Jarnsaxa’s skirt higher and moved in closer to inspect the opening. It rested right below Jarnsaxa’s scrotum, almost melding with the skin. It even had a clit, how odd. Thor had always thought that the clit was just an underdeveloped penis… oh well, maybe in Jotnar it was something else? Who knew. Thor rubbed it and Jarnsaxa arched his back with a whimper.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” Thor murmured.

“Why ever not?”

“I am a fertility god. You could get pregnant.”

“Only during my heat,” Jarnsaxa winked.

“ _Heat_!?” Thor was pretty sure that he was drooling a little.

“Why yes, I have heats. One every decade. My next one is due in a few months. During my heats I become insatiable, I want sex all day every day. It is the only time I’m ever fertile.”

Thor licked his lips in excitement. He ran his hand down Jarnsaxa’s slit. But then looked up at the sky and frowned. “I wish to lay you in a bed of flowers and worship you as you deserve, but alas, we do not have the time. We must head back, it will be night soon.”

“I agree, we don’t want people to talk, do we?”

“Of course not,” Thor chuckled. Jarnsaxa would make such a good queen.

“Where’s Loki?” Jarnsaxa looked around.

“Not far,” Thor didn’t feel weak. “Loki!”

No response.

Jarnsaxa sighed, getting up. “He’s lucky you’re not Jotun. He’d get a whipping on Jotunheimr for this.”

“Before my mother became Queen, that was true here too.”

Jarnsaxa let out a little laugh at that.

.

Loki hadn’t noticed the time slipping away. One moment he was taking a little nap in a nook at the bottom of the lake (he was shifted, so he was safe), the next Thor was glaring at him, also under the water.

To say that Loki freaked out would be an understatement. He immediately rose to the top and shifted back into Às form. Thor surfaced just a moment later, hair wet.

“We’re leaving,” Thor said, before turning and wading back.

Loki swam back to where he left his clothes. Of course, Thor hadn’t thought this through before hand and was changing there, Loki blushed and turned the other way. Thor _finally_ seemed to gain some semblance of common sense, because he left the area to change elsewhere.

Loki exited the pond and shook water off of himself. In hindsight, he really ought to learn a simple drying spell. It would make life so much easier. He slipped on his clothes and went to pack up the picnic.

He felt a little tired and welcomed the nap on Thor’s floor that night, falling asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

.

Thor… had seen Loki naked… oh wow…

It hadn’t been a long look! The moment that he’d realised the man was entirely bare, he’d angled his head to only look at Loki’s face! _Seriously_! But that didn’t change the fact that he’d seen Loki naked!

He felt like he ought to tell Jarnsaxa, but at the same time why? He and Loki were both men, and it wasn’t like they had ever been in a relationship before or something. Seriously, Loki was just the guy who’d trapped him and would die for doing so in a few weeks time.

Really.


	11. Chapter 11

Number three was Loki throwing a vase at Thor at random. Thor didn’t see it coming. He woke up to a sharp pain in his jaw. He saw Loki standing over him, clutching his own jaw, and was thoroughly confused up until he heard the Jotun mutter “Three down, two more to go,” to himself. Thor was going to kill him. Thor would physically hold him down as he channelled bolt after bolt of lightning into him until he exploded or something. Seriously, what kind of monster woke someone up at six in the morning!?

Loki lowered his hand to Thor’s jaw. Thor grimaced, the cuts were starting to hurt… a _lot_! The glass had undoubtedly gone in deep. Loki shifted his hand into something claw-like, and picked out the glass from the wound and from around Thor, magicking them into a new vase similar to the old one that Thor’s grandma had given him. Once that was done, Loki brought his hand back to Thor’s jaw then, his touch oddly gentle. A moment later all of Thor’s pain was gone. Confused, Thor reached a hand to his own jaw. No scar. No wound. Nothing.

And then, just as bizarrely as he’d entered, Loki left the room. Where on earth was he going at six in the fucking morning!?

Thor contemplated following him, but ultimately decided against it. Loki was a seidrmadr. If he wanted to go somewhere undetected, he’d fucking get there, and he’d be undetected. It just occurred to Thor that Loki had heats too. Thor couldn’t control the blush on his face, not that it mattered given that he was alone.

That was an… odd thought, but he shrugged it off. Must just be this bond.

.

Thor had barely spent any time with Baldr and Tyr since he’d gotten back, which was why he was eager to accept his brothers’ invitation to go out drinking. They’d stopped visiting brothels ever since Tyr got married and Baldr found Karnilla. Now it was just the good old Mead Hall!

The three each grabbed a tankard of ale and listened to Bjornson narrate a tale in which he fought off a thousand dwarves and kissed a princess. Thor loved these kinds of stories. They were fun and allowed one’s mind to wander.

After it, Tyr, Baldr and he took part in the age-old tradition of bitching about their lives while drunk in a semi-public area. Loudly.

“Ingrid wants to go to Vanaheim for the weekend!” Tyr moaned. “She’s ten months pregnant! What if the baby decides to be born early? It will get honorary citizenship in Vanaheim! I am _not_ raising a Vanir baby!”

“At least you’re happily married!” Baldr bitched. “I’m beginning to think that father will never allow me to marry Karnilla! He holds all of her past acts against her, can’t he see that she’s _changed_!? She is the love of my life. If we are not given the ‘OK’ by the end of the year, then I will simply elope with her to Vanaheim. There’s this gorgeous little grove and a fantastic officiator there. We could get married under a cherry-blossom tree!”

“My life is terrible! I fantasised about _Loki_! **_Loki_**!! As in the traitor to Asgard, the one who committed treason, the one I get to kill next month! And it was the weirdest fantasy- we were on top of a horse! This is so bad! I’m supposed to be with _Jarnsaxa_!” Thor stared into his ale. What was he thinking? Jarnsaxa was _beautiful_! He _knew_ Jarnsaxa was beautiful! So why, for the past three weeks, had he thought more about Loki than Jarnsaxa? Why, when he was deciding how best to broker peace, had his first thought been to punish Loki. Why had he thought, in particular, that _Jarnsaxa_ would be the best way to punish Loki? He’d known that they shared an ex (and he was beginning to have the sinking feeling that he knew _which_ ex), but why had that mattered? Surely not all of this could be explained by the bonding spell.

Clearly, he was drunk beyond reason, because these thoughts storming his head and taking siege of his brain were simply ludicrous.

.

Thor woke with a massive hangover. Jarnsaxa panicked, running around and going fetch Frigga. Loki, who had a pounding headache that he recognised quite well, despite himself having not gotten the pleasure to partake in drinking yesterday, grumbled as he strode over to Thor and slapped his forehead with some mumbled words. The pain stopped.

His mother did not come, Thor could have told Jarnsaxa that she wouldn’t. She’d told him after the first time that he’d gotten a hangover that ‘good kings [didn’t] drink themselves silly’ and had openly refused to heal all of his subsequent hangovers. If Thor had to guess, she was probably telling Jarnsaxa to leave Thor be, and teaching him seidr to soothe him.

Loki, meanwhile, grumbled something unintelligible (likely an insult directed Thor’s way), before curling back in his little bundle and falling asleep once more.

.

His father was hosting an engagement party for him and Jarnsaxa. Thor was dressed in his finest armour, by his maid Sigyn who had been on maternity leave for the past few months. Sigyn and her partner, Argnold, had welcomed a baby girl into the world just a half year ago, and Sigyn kept bringing her by (not that Thor minded, he _loved_ children) while she worked.

“Hang on, your highness, let me just fix your gauntlets,” Sigyn frowned as she had nowhere to set the baby. Thankfully, she spied Loki doing Jarnsaxa’s hair. “Hey, uhm, Prince Loptr, would you please mind holding Alva for a moment? I need to work on Thor.”

“Uhhh… sure,” Loki looked at Alva with hesitation as Sigyn passed her to him.

Thor wanted to protest. There was no way that leaving a child with Loki could, in any way, shape, or form, be considered safe, but the damage was done. Now all that was left to do was wait for tragedy to unfold. On the bright side, Sigyn was young and could probably birth a replacement-baby if things got _too_ ugly.

Loki held the child at arm’s length, as though he hadn’t the slightest clue what to do with it. The baby babbled. Loki screwed up his face in concentration, and changed it into a Pterodactyl’s. Instead of scream in terror, the baby shrieked with laughter and made grabby motions for Loki’s face, which he allowed her to touch.

Thor looked down to see Sigyn smiling at the sight before them. “He’s going to make a great mother one day.”

“He’s scheduled to be executed next month for crimes involving treason.”

“Oh. Never mind.”

Jarnsaxa came over to see what all the fuss was about. Alva wasn’t fond of him. In fact, when Sigyn tried to take her back, she made grabby motions. She wanted to keep playing with this Loki-fellow. Sigyn begged Loki to agree to babysit the next day, and he nervously agreed.

He couldn’t do it now, though. Not tonight, because he was servicing this party as a servant (Odin had insisted on getting Jarnsaxa a _proper_ handmaid, as Loki would be dying soon).

.

The moment that Loki walked in, every single hair on the back of his neck stood up. Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong.

He looked around, desperate. What was it? Was it someone in the room? Was Jarnsaxa wearing new perfume? Was Odin watching him? Was it an assassin? He couldn’t see any..body… there was a man in the corner. He was watching him. He just looked away. Loki could have sworn… golden eyes. Wait… he’d seen this man before. Once. When he’d tried to run away to Midgard and…

And Angrboda had followed him.

Oh no. Oh no. _Oh crap_! Angrboda was here! But _how_!? Loki’s heart rate quickened. This was a bad feeling, he had no doubt that Thor could feel it too. Hadn’t that been the whole point of the spell? That Loki should feel Angrboda’s pain- that- no, that _Thor_ could feel _Loki’s_ pain. That _Thor’s_ powers were now _Loki_ ’s powers.

This was bad. This was so bad! He was going to pass out with how much he was hyperventilating.

And why was this happening to him!? He wanted to cry. He’d been good, he’d been so good! He’d only ever trespassed the one time, and that was to maintain possession of his Às hostage! And Angrboda had already confronted him on that, apparently.

“Ah, Loptr, there you are! Fill father and grandpa Freyr’s drinks, they’re running low. Chop chop,” Tyr directed him.

Right. Right, he had a job to do. And Angrboda wouldn’t _dare_ touch him if he were surrounded by all these Aesir. _Especially_ not with **_the_** Queen Frigga in attendance.

.

Eventually, Loki knew that he would have to confront it. And besides, the spell was still in place, so _arguably_ he still had Thor’s power.

He got the courage during one of the toasts, discretely sneaking out into the courtyard, where no one would be.

“Loki,” he heard Angrboda’s golden voice, the same one that had spun those very threads of gold to keep him hostage for a century. “It’s been a while.”

“Angrboda,” Loki returned. “Not long enough.”

“Come now, Loki. You can’t still be mad. What transgressed between us in centuries old. I am a changed man now.”

“So you _didn’t_ set multiple rounds of animals after Prince Thor and I on our journey through the Ironwood.”

Angrboda had the gall to grin at that. “Trickster spirit, you know how it is.”

Indeed, Loki did know how it was. He himself had charmed many a cup of mead into a pile of snakes. He’d do it on Asgard too, but he wasn’t comfortable enough here to do things of that nature. “We could have died.”

“I would never send anything that you couldn’t handle.” Angrboda walked closer, shifting into his normal form. This would alarm no guards who may see what was going on, as there were Jotnar in attendance at this feast, his brothers not included. He wasn’t surprised that neither of them wanted to see him like this. “Loki, Loki… you deserve better than this. Treated as though you are unwanted; made to bow before those who should tremble before you; following a man you love blindly despite the knowledge that he wishes for your head-”

“No different to being with you,” Loki snorted.

“I would never kill you.”

“No, just everyone around me.”

“Svadilfari had to die, Loki,” Angrboda placed an unwanted hand on Loki’s embroidered hip (the servants had to dress up special for these sorts of events. He was in a green bedazzled robe with his customary black leather pants, and nicer boots than usual. He also had makeup on, _joy_ ), gripping it as though he owned it. “He touched what was mine.”

“I ceased being yours when you cheated on me with my cousin. Now kindly let go of me.”

“That was a mistake. Jarnsaxa was a mistake. There was only ever you, Loki. Nobody else in the Nine for me but you.”

Loki’s lip wobbled. Over the years since leaving Angrboda, Loki had come to realise a lot about himself. He couldn’t go back, he would _never_ go back. Not after Narfi! “You killed our son,” Loki spat.

In the past, Angrboda would have made some stupid retort: ‘oh, what kind of life would he have had’ or ‘neither of us were ready to raise a child, Loki’ or, as he’d said the week after the incident, ‘who names a foetus?’ Instead he whispered “I’ve learnt new magic, Loki. Things you’ve never seen.”

“Bah, what good is it to me.”

“We can raise the dead,” Loki’s heart froze. “Loki, I made a _horrible_ mistake. I never should have tricked you into drinking that potion. It is something I regret to this day… but we can _fix it_ , we can make it _better_. We can have our son back again, don’t you see?”

And for one second, Loki well and truly believed him. One whole, entire second, before reality came crashing back down onto him as though it were a body being pulled into him by gravity. Because he’d used Angrboda’s far-reaching spells before, and it was always to disastrous consequence. What kind of life would Narfi even have? A half-life, not quite in the realm of the living, but not dead enough to count as deceased.

Loki shook his head. “No. No. I am done with you. I want you gone from here, I want you out of my life. I never want to see you again.”

“Loki,” Angrboda’s grip on his hip grew painful.

“I’m _done_!” Loki tried to free himself from Angrboda’s grasp to no avail.

Suddenly, he was face-down on the uncomfortable cobblestone, kicking and shouting as Angrboda tried to subdue him enough to place enchanted cuffs on him. He was no fool, he could _smell_ their seidr a mile away. Once those cuffs were on him, he could kiss his free-will goodbye for good… or at least until Angrboda grew bored without the fight, as he had the last time.

Loki summoned his seidr to create a hailstorm of deadly ice, drawing on Thor’s as well to bring in lightning and gale to it. Angrboda grumbled something about ‘upstarts’ as he tried to pin Loki’s wrists down in the terrible weather.

Somewhere in him, Thor felt a tug… it was almost as though his soul was being abused. His eyes flashed white and lightning begun to flash around in the room, sending the guests into a panic.

“Grrr! Find that Jotun boy!” Odin ordered. The guards didn’t need any clarification on who, they all knew that Odin meant Loptr.

But Thor knew where Loki was. He couldn’t explain it, but he could almost feel the tug by his seidr. And Loki was moving.

Thor summoned Mjolnir. He ran outside and blasted off. Loki was in the mountains. He had no idea why, the man hadn’t seemed like a flight risk. Then again, he had always been jealous of Thor and Jarnsaxa’s love.

It was easy to spot, even though Loki himself was hidden amongst the trees. An arc of lightning and then… Thor’s heart thudded. Something like black smoke coming from wherever that lightning had been directed. He heard things too, things like animals, thudding.

He touched down beside Loki, already knowing what was going on. Angrboda had infiltrated Asgard. Loki was fighting for his life at this point. Thor raised Mjolnir and charged at Angrboda, but Angrboda did something to him. He cast _something_ on him, and suddenly Thor couldn’t move anymore. “Stay out of this, Odinson, this fight does not concern you.” The Jotun hissed.

Thor watched anxious, knowing full well that if Loki died they both died, as Angrboda knocked a ring trees down to crush Loki. Loki blasted them apart with Thor’s lightning. Wait… was this what Loki had meant when he said that he could use Thor’s lightning against the Aesir? Thor was going to kill him if Angrboda didn’t first.

“Impressive!” Angrboda laughed. “All that power and you _still_ can’t win a fight with me!”

Loki grew branches in a feeble attempt to ensnare Angrboda, something that Thor had seen his own mother do at times. Angrboda merely touched the branches and burned them into stumps. Angrboda sent a hive of nearby hornets to attack Loki. Loki dove behind a tree as they hit the bark.

Loki used the trick that Frigga had taught him, sending a double of himself out to fight Angrboda as he made his way to Thor. He bent down as he sent his seidr coursing through Thor to free him. “Go back, this fight isn’t yours. Angrboda is dangerous,” he whispered in Thor’s ear.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“It’s better this way. He doesn’t know that we are bonded, if he finds out then we are _doomed_. He won’t kill me, don’t worry.”

That somehow didn’t make Thor feel much better. Angrboda sent a shard of dark ice through Loki’s double. As it vanished, his eyes widened, and flashed over to where Loki was helping Thor. get back on to his feet. The ground beneath them shook, splitting, separating them. Angrboda sent something Thor’s way, it felt like agony. His veins were lit on fire. He heard screaming. At first he thought it was himself, it’d happened before, but then he realised that it was Loki’s scream. The pain stopped as quickly as it had come. Thor found himself bent over, paralysed once more. It truly was infuriating how easily Angrboda could do that.

He turned his head (apparently he could do that), as Angrboda approached Loki, bending down to his own prone body, which had, in all of this madness, been hit with something hot, because he was smoking a bit. Odd that Thor hadn’t felt that one (or was it an old one and had Thor just noticed? He wasn’t entirely sure, but there was all that pain in the beginning).

Angrboda knelt down beside Loki, stroking a deceptively gentle hand across his face. Thor couldn’t see Loki’s face, but he imagined that it was probably frozen in horror, given how Loki had reacted every time he brought Angrboda up. “Well, Loki, you’ve outdone yourself. And here I thought that you never wanted to be bound again.” Wait, what!? Loki had been bound to someone before!? Wait… ‘crude methods’… Thor felt like an idiot. Angrboda leaned closer into Loki and whispered something that he couldn’t hear.

And then there was a flash of light, and Angrboda was on _his_ back. At first, Thor had thought it was Loki, but then he realised that the shot couldn’t have possibly been fired by Loki given the direction of it. He looked up and saw his father. And then his mother. And then his brothers. And then a group of guards and Heimdall.

But before they could do anymore, Angrboda was gone. And it was just the group of them and the totally wrecked section of forest.


	12. Chapter 12

Thor woke up first. Of course he did, he had sustained no physical wounds throughout the fight. He didn’t feel any pain, so he assumed that Loki was either healed or on pain meds.

Jarnsaxa had waited by his bedside anxiously, doting on him, the ever-loving fiancé. Thor felt ill. He contemplated going to see if Loki was up yet, but decided against it, opting instead to spend more time with Jarnsaxa.

Jarnsaxa was full of questions. What did Angrboda do? Did he say anything? How was he? Thor thought that that last one was a little odd.

Loki was back in their shared chamber that night, though Thor didn’t know when he’d woken up (at 11:30:02 there had been a slight stirring, and at 11:32:54 Loki had opened his first eyelid).

“That Angrboda of yours sure is a piece of work.”

“He’s not mine,” Loki said, defensively.

_‘He said you’d been under this before. Did you learn it when he put you under?’_ Thor wanted so desperately to ask, but decided against it. That was a question magnitudes more intimate than he and Loki were and would ever be. Instead he turned it in for the night.

.

“How was Boda?” Jarnsaxa asked Loki as soon as he managed to corner his cousin alone.

“Why do you care?”

“Just curious. I heard he bruised you up pretty good,” Jarnsaxa eyed Loki’s shoulder which Angrboda had taken a chunk out of. It was healing, and Loki had been put on pain medication for it by Eir.

“He did. Now if you don’t mind, I’ve been summoned by the king.”

Jealousy flashed across Jarnsaxa’s eyes. Of course it did. Jarnsaxa had _always_ been jealous of him. Hadn't that always been the root of every problem they’d had?

Loki befriended Skadi, so Jarnsaxa had to befriend Skadi and turn him against him. Loki used seidr, so Jarnsaxa started to use it to despite openly condemning it in public. Loki ran away from home, so Jarnsaxa followed. Loki fell in-love with a cruel tyrant that would use him and, in time, break his heart, so Jarnsaxa spread his damned legs and invited said tyrant in. Loki got his life back together and started dating Svad, so Jarnsaxa had to _beg_ that they see each other again because ‘it [had] been forty years, Loki!’. Svad had gone because he was a loving but pushy boyfriend, who had insisted that Loki make things right with his cousin, seeming to think that _Jarnsaxa_ was the reason that Loki would sometimes break into tears over seemingly nothing, not realising that it was the hold that Angrboda had over him. The very memory of the child that Angrboda and he would have had, _should_ have had if only he… anyways, Jarnsaxa was responsible for Angrboda finding out about Svad, which led to Svad’s eventual death. Jarnsaxa had seen him with Thor, and now what?

What did Jarnsaxa want from him? What did he gain, engaged to Thor, from knowing how Angrboda was?

Loki waited outside of the throne room for Thor. They were supposed to go in together. A figure passed him. Long, black, curly hair; pale green eyes, though he knew they changed colour, the very essence of seidr itself. Karnilla.

“So… is it Loptr or Loki?” Were her first words to him.

“You’ve been watching me.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“Aye."

“Why?”

“You pose a threat to Asgard,” she said simply.

“Aye,” he mocked. “But I shall be dead before that day comes.”

“You don’t fool me, Laufeyson. You have a plan and I know it, and whatever it is will hurt Thor in time. I know your kind, and if you come anywhere near my family I will end you,” her eyes flashed red. She left the space. Almost immediately, Thor arrived. Coincidence much?

“Loki,” he greeted. That was odd, Thor didn’t usually greet him. Then again, he rarely ever got called into council with Odin, he supposed. Well, technically never, but there was a first for everything, and this was it.

“How did Angrboda get in?” Was Odin’s first question, as soon as the doors were closed. “Did _you_ let him in?”

“No. He was disguised as a member of the party. He disguised himself as a member of the Vanir court."

“When you recognised him, why did you not report him to us?"

Why hadn’t he? “I made the mistake of thinking that I could take him on my own. Clearly I was wrong.”

"And you, Thor? Why did you not tell us where you were going?”

“I made the same false assumption that Lok-Loptr made," Thor mumbled his apology.

Odin thought for a moment. “If he managed to get in undetected, than either Laufey is a traitor or Asgard is vulnerable to threat. And you,” he turned to Loki. “Your recklessness nearly cost Thor his life. Your access to seidr is dangerous. Thor, I order that you cuff that Jotun.”

Thor paused for a moment, before relenting and nodding. “Yes father, I will do so immediately.”

Loki just ‘humphed’. Why not take his seidr away? Really, why not at this point?

.

Jarnsaxa was full of glee at the sight of Loki’s cuffs back. He’d thought that Loki had been getting a little unruly himself, honestly.

The only problem was that the last two fights would need seidr, but his future mother-in-law would take off his cousin’s cuffs then. For now, it was just satisfactory to watch Loki walking around powerless.

Thor wanted to take Jarnsaxa out alone- just the two of them, no Loki trailing behind.

Thor took him to a group of caves. They were beautiful, the moonlight bouncing off of the small, crystalline rocks made it look like the cave was sparkling. It was beautiful.

“These caves are called the ‘Night Sparkles’. My grandfather, Bor, gifted them to my grandmother, Bestla, a few hundred thousand years ago. I thought that you might like them.”

“They’re beautiful,” Jarnsaxa smiled.

Thor chuckled. “I’m glad you think so…. You know, they say that sharing a kiss here at midnight ensures that your love will never die.”

“How close is it to midnight?” Jarnsaxa flirted.

That… was a good question. Thor sweated. It wasn’t like they could go back and check; it was late, his mother would never let them back out. And they couldn’t just stay here kissing for hours and chance it, because then people would gossip.

“Heimdall!” Thor called. No response. Oh right, Heimdall was out searching for secret entrances along with his father, he wouldn’t come here for this. “Uh, I guess now will do.”

“Well alright then. Not that we need a midnight kiss, our love is limitless as it is.”

“Aye, my love,” Thor bent down and kissed Jarnsaxa passionately. “No truer words were ever spoken.”

.

Frigga decided to teach Loki how to knit. He’d need that skill someday, and she wanted her grand babies to be cozy in the winter (not that she wouldn’t knit for them herself). She had her own kitchens, and she fully intended to teach him how to bake next. Nothing like a mother’s love in the form of a batch of cookies!

But there was another reason that she was doing this. She was hoping that all of this would help to make Loki feel calmer. He had been on edge since Angrboda’s attack on him, and his shoulder was still healing (apparently Angrboda’s bite was a piece of dark magic in and of itself).

She still thought, of course, that it was a terrible idea for Loki to have mental barriers up. She hoped that he’d realise this soon, before Angrboda struck again. Because Angrboda was crazy, and so she knew that he would strike again.

.

Thor thought that it was odd to walk in on Loki curled up asleep with some knitting on his chest in his mother’s chambers. What he thought was even _more_ odd, however, was that his mother was hovering over Loki, her eyes aglow, clearly doing something involving seidr. Was this why his head was so inexplicably foggy right now? Thor let out a cough. “A-hem-hem.”

At least his mother had the decency to look embarrassed. “Thor. I was not expecting you back so early.” Oh, so that was how it was. His mother thought that he was a whore.

“I took Jarnsaxa to see the Night Sparkles.”

“Ah, how excellent,” Frigga prodded the sleeping Loki in the back of his neck, waking him up in one poke. Thor rubbed his own neck, clearly his mother had forgotten that _Thor could feel that!!_

“Wha?” Loki had a thin trail of drool running down the side of his mouth. Thor was disappointed, almost. Loki looked so cute when he slept, 10000% less maniacal.

“Thor’s here, honey. You can go now.”

Loki stared dazedly for a moment, clearly dazed and lost, as he tried to gather his bearings. He then proceeded to yawn, stretch, get up, and walk back to his and Thor’s chambers without Thor, purposefully ignoring the blonde.

This infuriated Thor, but he let it go. He turned to his mother. “What were you doing to him?”

“What do you care?” Frigga made herself sound genuinely curious. She wanted to hear Thor admit it. Unfortunately, it seemed that her son was as bullheaded as his father.

“Because he is a traitor to the state, and I want to know what you do. I trust that it was spy work.”

“Well, _Thor_ , if you must know, I was trying to help re-construct the walls that he built up in his head.”

“Walls?”

“Yes.”

“Why does he have walls in his head.”

“No idea.” Frigga lied. “You’ll have to ask him.” She knew he wouldn’t, maybe an incentive? “He says it’s bad memories, that he can’t even remember putting them up. We won’t know until they come down, but if they come down he could lose his mind. And if that happens while he’s still bound to you…”

“I will lose my mind,” Thor said, grimly. “Was that that nightmare that he had that night?”

“I believe so.”

“So the walls are already weak,” Thor cursed. “We must break this spell quickly.” Frigga rolled her eyes internally. It was so obvious that that was _not_ the first thought on Thor’s mind upon hearing this. She knew her son. He wanted to know if any of these memories had anything to do with Angrboda.

_‘I’m not sure…. It was after Svad died… but I can’t remember much about that night, only that he died and that Angrboda had something to do with it.’_

She’d asked about Svad. A wilderman, Loki had said. A shapeshifter with an animal totem, but a Jotun nonetheless. She couldn’t imagine Laufey being happy with that relationship- the king _hated_ all things magic, and the wildermen were the living embodiment of it. She wondered…

“Aye, we must. Go to sleep now, Thor. Tomorrow is the next fight, a half moon. Meet us on Edna at nine.”

“Yes, mother. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sweetheart.”


	13. Chapter 13

The moonlight battle consisted of Loki fighting Thor using seidr within an enchanted grove with fire around them. Thor had no idea how Loki had thought of this. In all honesty, after he’d realised that Angrboda had probably placed this spell on Loki before, and that Loki had broken it himself, he’d been looking for how these potential fights could have naturally occurred. After all, they couldn’t have been planned rituals, because there was _no way_ that Angrboda would have willingly consented to those. He understood the first three, but this? Come on, it was so specific! And how had they even managed to set an enchanted grove on fire? Thor feared that asking Loki would result in the sarcastic reply of ‘the sex was just that good’ or something to that effect. He was beginning to realise that Loki hid behind sarcasm the way that a child hides behind their mother’s skirts.

Jarnsaxa was in attendance as usual. Bedazzled and watching all of the action, mouth salivating. He loved the thought of Loki getting hurt, not quite realising that it meant that Thor too would get hurt. Oh, Jarnsaxa…

Thor blasted Loki with lightning. Loki shot something at Thor that caused him immense pain. Both acts hurt the person casting them as well because of the bonding spell. It was quite the night. Ultimately, Loki declared it over when they’d both shed a decent amount of blood.

Frigga healed both of their wounds and they trudged back to the castle. Jarnsaxa was falling asleep, so Thor carried him.

.

There was one fight left, one last one and Thor would be free. Frigga had been monitoring the deterioration of the seidr binding them.

“It’s definitely going down,” she hummed. “But there’s still too much of it for it to possibly be removed in one fight.”

“We might need to use seidr to scrap the last part,” Loki hummed.

“Well, what kind seidr did you use when Angrboda had you under this? Maybe you could show my mother?”

Loki’s eyes widened, he looked alarmed. “Who told you that Angrboda cast this on me?” He was too alarmed to deny it, and for a moment Thor regretted asking it.

“I heard him tell you ‘I thought that you never wanted to be bound again’,” Thor repeated.

Loki had turned ashy. Instead of dignifying Thor with a response, he fled the room, leaving just Jarnsaxa and Frigga in the room. Both Frigga and Thor turned to Jarnsaxa.

“Surely you know something about this?” Frigga prodded.

“Not much. Just that they were bound, something bad happened there and they split up after.” Like hell was Jarnsaxa going to mention that _he_ was the reason that they’d split up. That _he’d_ fucked with Angrboda while said man was still with Loki. But their relationship had been on the rocks, really. Jarnsaxa was doing them both a favour. Laufey never would have allowed them to continue their relationship. He was anti-seidrmadr, he wouldn’t have stood at the chance of _more_ being born, let alone to his own line. Angrboda would have been killed, and Loki would have been heartbroken. Really, it was all for them, honest. “I’m sure when Loki calms down he’ll tell you everything. He’s always had a flare for dramatics.”

Thor and Frigga chanced a glance at one another. There was something his mother wanted to say to him, he could tell as much. He gave her a slight nod. He’d return to her in the night.

Without Jarnsaxa.

.

“What is it that you wanted to discuss, mother?”

“How’s your relationship with Jarnsaxa going?” Thor hadn’t been expecting that question.

“Alright,” he shrugged.

“Just alright?”

“Well, we’re getting married in a few months,” he really didn’t like all of these questions that his mother was asking.

“It was rather convenient that you knew a spare runt,” Frigga mused. “Interesting how quickly you jumped into the idea of a political marriage… how you acted as though Jarnsaxa was your one and only only seconds after meeting him…”

“Mother, what are you implying?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. Still, the pair of you must have a lot in common. You both value a good, honest fight-”

“Well, actually, ‘frostbitches’ don’t-”

“You both have innate seidr more powerful than either of you could imagine-”

“Well, he’s not that bad at-” Thor blushed before his mother cut him off to save him the embarrassment.

“And, of course, you’d both put your own realm before anything. Like true princes of the crown.”

“Alright!” Thor snapped. “I get it, you don’t like him,” he hissed, “but I do.”

“Do you though?”

“Wh-”

“I _know_ Thor,” her gaze then froze his heart. “The wind told me… I know many things. I know that you only did this to get your revenge on Loki because you were upset about this curse, because you know that he detests his cousin more than anything on this earth- for good reason, mind you. I’m not quite buying his ignorance as to the reason that Loki and Angrboda’s relationship deteriorated.” Thor was speechless. “Look, I’m not trying to tell you who to marry or not… but I’d hate to think that you’d marry someone out of spite, even if in your heart you think that you are doing good for the kingdom by it.”

.

Since the cuffs were back on, and his execution date was set soon (though in the past few days, he’d been thinking… did he really want to die? He could prevent it if he wanted, he knew that, and he’d been contemplating it… oh well, he had plenty of time to decide), Loki had spent most of his time sparring. It wasn’t like Jarnsaxa needed him now that he had his new maid. Plus, if Loki got hurt sparring, then _haha, F-you, Thor_!

Hogun loved to spar with Loki, loved hurting him. He saw the pain in the warrior’s eyes. He was furious with Loki for killing his friends… well, he’d heard rumours that one of them was something a little more than a friend, but the sentiment remained. The man would leave bruises and bumps and scars, and Loki would only ever heal them when Thor would come out to shout at him.

This led to Loki being banned from the sparring ground by ‘Royal Decree’. That was OK, though, Loki had other mischievous things that he could be doing, like wreaking havoc across the castle. He let snakes into the kitchens, let all the horses out, and, of course, he convinced a naiad to help flood the village. Good times.

That last one made Thor especially mad. This made Loki _happy_. This made Jarnsaxa satisfied. This made Frigga roll her eyes. This made Odin livid.

Loki found himself cuffed to Thor. In hindsight, Loki could not think of a justifiable reason for not having done this sooner. Really, it would solve a good deal many problems. Then again, this was too clever for Odin or Thor to have thought of… must’ve been Frigga or Baldr (who was nowhere near as boar-headed as that brother of his).

Jarnsaxa hated this, of course. He demanded to be cuffed to Thor’s other hand. But then Thor wouldn’t have a free hand, and if the kingdom were ever under attack, they’d be screwed.

Now that that depressive spell had cleared (who knew that meeting Angrboda could bring about _positive_ change!? Usually it ended with a loved one’s death), Loki was beginning to enjoy his cousin’s antics. The pouting, the whining, the pettiness of it all… poor old Jarnsaxa, Thor would be sick of him a month into their marriage. Wasn’t that what had happened with Angrboda? What had _really_ happened with Angrboda?

‘ _No one could ever replace you_ ,’ the words echoed in his head. Damn straight no-one could replace him. He was fucking _Loki_ , for Ymir’s sake!

And it was on this ego-high that Loki’s next nightmare hit him (by the way, he now shared a bed with Thor. Jarnsaxa was _livid_ ).

_Red eyes. Glowing. ‘Who do you think told him?’ Angrboda’s serpentine voice questioned a squirming Loki. Then there was blood- no. No, then there was a mace… Blindi’s mace._

_‘I had to, Loki. I had to.” The words kept repeating themselves, making it no easier to accept the fact. Accept the fact the Svad was dead_.

Thor had shaken him awake. Loki felt a pain in his arms. Oh, he must have scratched Thor again.

“Are you alright?” Concerned blue eyes bored into his now-green ones. That was odd… why was _Thor_ concerned about _him_.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Loki brushed Thor off grumpily. He needed to get to the bottom of this unwanted dreaming.

“Are you sure? You were shouting ‘No! No! Please don’t touch him! _No_!’ In your sleep.”

“I’m fine,” Loki blushed as he realised that Thor was holding him. He removed Thor’s arm from around his waist like it was a python. “Just a bad dream.”

Thor looked like he wanted to say more, but simply shook his head. “OK.” He said. Thor was like that. It was appreciated and yet simultaneously infuriating. They both fell back asleep.

.

The last fight between them was supposed to be them trying to rip each other’s seidr out. Frigga, personally, was against this, because it was fucking _dangerous_ and one of them (and therefore both of them) could get killed.

This was a violent process, there was no denying it. It would also be undoubtedly painful. This was why Loki had, initially, sworn to himself never to be bound again. It was _this_ part of getting rid of it, the main one. The last one that he’d had to complete with Angrboda. The only difference was that Thor was a willing participant, while Angrboda had… well, he supposed there was a _purpose_ in forcibly binding someone to you, and that was that you never wanted it broken… so that you could abuse the person as your slave. Loki hugged himself, feeling a shiver wrack him. There were so many scars still left from his relationship with Angrboda, despite that it had ended _two centuries_ ago. How could there not be? That relationship had been so fucked up. People had _died_. An entire tribe of Wildermen had been rounded up and ‘interrogated’ by his father. Those who had been found guilty of treason (all the hale ones) had been enslaved. It's a shame that it hadn’t worked out with Angrboda, he thought bitterly, he would have gotten along swimmingly with Laufey.

“Are you sure that you want to do this? I can look for another way, consult a Vanir seeress,” Frigga’s face was grey.

“They’ll tell you that this is the only way,” Loki bluffed. “And besides, our respective seidrs are too closely interwoven to kill the other. Seidr is a _protective_ force, after all.” It would just be pure agony was all.

“If you’re certain…” Frigga frowned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long! 😬 I've been battling personal demons in the form of the common app! Wish me luck!


	14. Chapter 14

Being cuffed to Thor meant that Loki had to attend family dinner. Thor’s last dinner before his seidr was ripped out from him as though it were his fingernails and he was being de-clawed, how nice.

Odin wanted Loki to sit on the floor, but both Baldr and Frigga objected. Karnilla eyed him with suspicion throughout dinner, as he chatted away with Baldr about a play that they both liked: The Last Bilgesnipe, by Olaf Svenson. Baldr was getting emotional as he recounted the hero of the story, Fluffy’s, rise to power in the Eastern Isles. Odin and Jarnsaxa both glared at the pair, while Thor chatted to his mother about old palace gossip. Apparently Ida, Thor’s old nursemaid, had gotten pregnant at the age of 5789002. Thor had thought that one couldn’t get pregnant after 5520000, but clearly he had been mistaken. And the father of the child was only 2000 years old! The _scandal_ of it all!

“Did you hear about Svenson’s new play? Widow in the East?” Loki asked Baldr.

“Of _course_!” Baldr gushed, “I have two tickets to see it! Hey, Karnilla hates plays, you should come!” Karnilla huffed at the Jotunn who was low-key stealing her boyfriend, but only passive-aggressively because she _really_ didn’t want to go.

“Wait, that means that I have to go! I don’t want to go!”

“I can get two more tickets, don’t sweat it! You and Jarnsaxa can come!”

“Great, it’s a date then,” Jarnsaxa batted his eyelashes at Thor.

.

The play… was so dull… Thor fell asleep halfway through. Baldr and Loki watched avidly… _and talked through the entire fucking thing!_ Jarnsaxa started playing with his bracelets the moment that Thor was asleep. He’d never been one for theatre. Come to think of it, Jotunheimr had no theatres… odd that Loki had seen other plays by this man. Had-had Angrboda taken _Loki_ to his home in Vanaheim!? He’d never taken _Jarnsaxa_ to Vanaheim! Jarnsaxa’s blood boiled and he jabbed Thor in the back, knowing that Loki would feel it.

Loki rubbed his back and glared at Jarnsaxa. Was his dimwitted cousin bored _already_? They were at the best part!

The Widow, Adie Bjornsdottir, had just stolen the bastard son of her late husband and was planning on marrying him to secure her place upon her late husband’s throne (she had never birthed him any true heirs), but the ex-king’s mistress, Ariva, had something to say about that, and was using seidr to cast shadow-tricks on Adie. Loki should learn some of those, _Norns_ the choreography for the shadow dance was breathtaking. Baldr agreed. Thor snored. Jarnsaxa’s bracelets _clinked._

.

Thor was annoyed by how well Loki and Baldr got along. Seriously, this was so unfair. (Wait, why!?)

Jarnsaxa took a nap on Thor’s shoulder, getting dribble everywhere.

.

Possibly the tipping point for Thor in this whole ‘maybe he’d been into Loki the whole time’ was when he was masturbating (father had said that Baldr could handle Loki while Thor had some time to regain his sanity) and suddenly thought of that night of the engagement party, when Loki was wearing those servants’ clothes. He’d looked beautiful even in those- _aaand_ that was naturally when Thor came. Fuck.

Clearly Loki had placed a love enchantment on him. He thought back to that night in the cave, Loki would only have been able to recognise seidr that he himself could cast! He should have known not to trust Loki’s resigned nature, nobody was _that_ fine with being up for execution! Grr! He was _so_ going to let Loki feel it during their seidr-splitting ritual. Thor didn’t care if it hurt him too, that fucking runt needed to pay. Nobody messes with Thor Odinson.

.

Loki slathered himself in Juniper oil, because Angrboda had poured a vat of scalding hot Juniper oil on him last time (he was allergic).

It was better to fight Thor near-blind anyways. When Loki’s body was weak, his seidr was strong.

Thor looked at Loki questioningly, especially as what appeared to be rashes bloomed across the Jotunn’s body. What was that stuff? Was Loki allergic to that stuff? If so, why was he wearing it? Was it part of this ritual? Should Thor be wearing it too?

“Am I supposed to…?”

“No, no. Just me.”

“Why?”

Because that’s how it happened last time, granted the oil was much hotter and left burns all over my skin. “Just… just a battle tactic. Should let me unleash more of my seidr.”

“So shouldn’t I do it?”

“If you fly into berserker mode, which you probably will, you should be fine.”

OK then.

.

The feeling of the lightning in his veins trying to burst its way out scarred Thor from the inside. It was pain unlike any that he had ever felt before. He felt smoke in his blood, as Loki failed, and yet was confused to see none through his involuntary tears.

Loki was shot to the ground by Thor’s lightning, building up both around him and within him. Thor’s eyes went white as he stalked over to Loki, and pinned him down by the throat, letting his lightning flow through the Jotun’s veins. Yes, this. This felt right, killing his enemy.

Loki threw him off with a blast of his own seidr, somehow frying him. That was when Thor’s berserker decided to attack Loki with Loki’s own seidr (after all, he _did_ still have access to it).

Loki let out a pained scream. One might think that the sore, purple-red spots on his skin were from whatever Thor was doing to him, but no. What Thor was doing to him was internal.

The wind howled and trees shook in the great gusts their fighting had created. Even nature was scared of this ritual, it was said to be unholy.

The pair parted when neither could bear to stand up anymore. Both lay slumped where they were, numb on the inside, and yet in great pain nonetheless.

Frigga got to work patching them up immediately. The fighting had scared her too.

“Is it over?” Thor groaned.

Frigga checked. The bond had died a _great_ deal… but there was still something there. She shook her head, much to her son’s dismay.

“You rat! You tyrant! You said that this was the last one!”

“It was supposed to be!” Loki fired back, unable to move much, but always with the energy to retort.

“Enough!” Frigga silenced the two. “Most of the spell is gone, there’s just a little bit left. Loki, dear, you must tell me: was there anything that happened the last time that we haven’t done?”

Loki froze for a moment, then shook his head. “Nothing we could replicate.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Thor growled.

“Thor,” Frigga warned, squeezing her son’s bicep threateningly. “Alright, Loki. There’s little to nothing of the spell left, I’m sure I’ll be able to unweave it in time for my son’s wedding.”

Thor said nothing. He was so furious. He had trusted that fucking runt! Moreover, he was angry with his mother, Frigga, for letting the bastard off so easily.

.

“You know, Loki, you can tell me anything,” Frigga said to him while they co-knitted a blanket together.

“Like…?” Loki prompted. Frigga sighed, she could see that this would have to be done the hard way.

“You know… like what Angrboda did to you last time?” She said, finally. She was done walking around on eggshells. It was _exhausting_ , really.

Loki went stock still. “How did you know?”

“I have eyes, Loki, and common sense to boot. ‘Crude methods’ only ever exist where they were needed once. Come now, you can tell me anything.”

“I really really can’t.”

“You really really can.”

“No, I _really_ can’t.”

“You can.”

“Look!” Loki sighed, angrily, “I have barred away the worst of those memories _subconsciously_! That was my seidr trying to protect me from myself. If I tell you what happened, it could rip apart the seidr and it could fry my mind- at this given moment, it could fry Thor’s too!”

“Isn’t this the golden opportunity?” Frigga said, her voice quiet, low. “The golden opportunity to get it all off of your chest? I’m a seidrkona, I’m well-versed in both healing and dark seidr. I can keep you together, should you choose to do this.”

“I’ll have to think about it.”

“Take all the time you need.”

.

Thor was paying a visit to Ailsa today, Volstagg’s widow, and her three children.

“Hello, Ailsa,” he beamed at her, “Radiant as ever.”

“Thanks, Thor,” a shadow of a smile graced her beautiful features. She’d been depressed since her husband’s death, and who could blame her, honestly? There was a scheme set up, for the widows and widowers, but that wasn’t enough, they needed emotional support as well.

“Ah! Talisa! Mann! Frederik!” Thor greeted Volstagg’s children.

“Uncle Thor!” They all squealed. Talisa, the oldest, was nine years old. Her twin brothers were both eight. It pained Thor that they should have to lose their father so young. When he found out who was responsible for this war, he was going to gut them, turn them inside out, for all of the pain that they had caused the innocent, noble families of Asgard.

.

“You’ve been summoned by the king,” Sif told him, her face grim.

Yikes. Sif didn’t like him as it was, so if she was telling this to him with that sombre look on her face, then it couldn’t be good.

The moment that the doors were closed, Loki could feel the ominous atmosphere. There Odin sat, fat and lounging on his throne. The very sight that he’d long imagined would make his blood boil, the vision that had prompted him to guide those ‘stray’ Jotnar into Jotunheimr to steal the casket in the first place. Instead of hot anger, however, all Loki could feel was cold dread. Something wasn’t quite right here.

“You _snake_!” Odin rose from his throne, gungnir in his hand, clenching his free fist ominously. “You assured us that your seidr-battle with Thor would be the final stage in curing him of your presence! Heed this, Loptr, son of Laufey, when my wife is finished curing my son, I will relish in peeling the flesh off of your skin and allowing others to do the same _long before_ my son has the chance to put an end to your insignificant life!” Loki’s heart beat faster. He didn’t doubt Odin’s words. The man’s rage knew no bounds, and Loki had admittedly placed his son in harm’s way. Norns knew Odin was fiercely protective of his sons. It wasn’t common to care for your bastard son, and yet Odin had been a present father for Tyr. Loki was his father’s legitimate son, and he’d barely seen the man growing up.

“For now, this shall suffice,” and then Loki was knocked onto his back by a swift swing from gungnir. “Save your tales, Jotunn, my son and your bond is too weak for him to feel your pain anymore. The only risk lies if you die, in which case he shall too. I have made it known that Thor is free from your pain.”

Loki’s face fell in horror. He was no fool, he knew that the people of Asgard only refrained from hurting him due to their loyalty to their beloved golden prince.

“Now aroint thee, witch! Begone!” Odin clapped gungnir down onto the marble floor, and Loki immediately scrambled to get out, clutching his stomach. This was bad, this was _bad_. He hurried, frantic, to Frigga’s chambers, where he usually spent most of his time anyways. He needed to seek her counsel, but she’d undoubtedly be gone with her handmaidens for at least a good few hours. He took in deep gulps of air, settling down onto the floor. Desperate, he spied the blanket that they were working on, and decided to continue with it. That ought to soothe his nerves.

.

Of course, Loki couldn’t hide in there forever, and eventually a cleaner came and shooed him out. As he walked through the palace (he _was_ supposed to be a servant, after all), being spat on and kicked now that word was out, he meekly contemplated his escape. Would it be worth it? Self-preservation had been what had kept him going after Svad… but these past, what? Fifty? Hundred? Years had made him realise… that without a clear sense of purpose, without something or someone to call your own… it just wasn’t worth it. He’d had his heart broken once, and then another time… and loathe as he was to admit it… it looked as though it were about to be broken a third.

It was so stupid, truly it was. After all, clearly Thor _loathed_ him, why else would he tell his father everything? It certainly wasn’t Frigga, and he doubted Jarnsaxa knew enough to leak that sort of information. And besides, just like everybody else, Thor preferred Jarnsaxa. Loki thought back to that encounter in the inn, between him and Jarnsaxa, where it felt as though someone had been protecting _him_ for a change, thought about how nice it had felt… well, clearly that was just a lie. Wasn’t that how it always was? Twisted people don’t get nice, happy endings, and Norns knew how twisted he was. He (rightly) laid most of the blame on Angrboda… but at the end of the day, he _was_ the one who drank the potion that terminated Narfi. Angrboda hadn’t held a knife to his throat, had only put the potion in front of him… he was a failure, a failure as a person and a failure as a mother. Thank Ymir that Svadilfari and he had never had children, he probably would have screwed them up as well.

Svad. He never thought about Svad, tried not to. Something had happened that day, something that his subconscious _deeply_ wanted him to forget. The last time he remembered seeing Svad was at the Peach Orchard Harvest Festival… and then Svad had been killed, something to do with Angrboda, and he was all alone again.

He knew what he needed to do.

He needed to tell Frigga.


	15. Chapter 15

Once upon a time, there was a Jotun prince, who happened to be a runt. Now, at this particular point in the young prince’s life, things were not going great. He’d just broken out of an abusive relationship during which he’d been both mentally and physically abused and violated, his free-will stripped from him at periods of time… such was the price on paid in an abusive relationship with a sorcerer. The point wherein his significant other had forced him to have an abortion and then proceeded to cheat on him with his cousin was the tipping point for the young prince gained the courage to break the bond tying him to his captor and once more be free.

The prince, down on his luck and unwilling to go back to his abusive father, the reason he’d found himself with Angrboda in the first place, did what he could for money, and mostly sustained himself using his seidr.

That’s when he met him. The man was tall, not _Jotunn_ tall, but not a runt either. He stood at maybe 6”4, had bluing skin that wasn’t fully blue, calm brown eyes, flowing black hair, and a bit of a beard. A Wilderman, the prince gasped. But this wasn’t the same kind of savage brute he’d been raised hearing (undoubtedly tall) tales of, no, this man was compassionate, kind, nurturing. He helped Loki get back on his feet again, and the two were happy for very many years.

Then, the cousin mentioned previously, a sallow, mean-spirited, nasty little thing, sent a request to Loki, an invite to meet up. Little did Loki know that it had been a result of Angrboda’s manipulations, that Svad insisting on coming with Loki for protection (“Don’t worry, Loki. I’m well-versed in seidr myself, and in my Stallion form I can protect you”) would ultimately lead to Svad’s death.

Angrboda was enraged that Loki had moved on with his life: with a Wilderman no less! He stormed into Utgardr and told Loki’s father what Loki was up to. Incensed that Loki would besmirch the name of the House of Laufey (further than he had already) in such a way, Laufey sent a retinue to constrain the Wilderman, and decreed that Loki was to atone for his sins by killing Svadilfari himself, or Loki and Svadilfari would both be executed.

Loki, desperate, decided that he must escape with Svadilfari. He was all set to go. But Byleistr stopped him. He said that it was a trap, that Loki was a fool for not realising that his father was hoping for this outcome, was hoping to be rid of Loki. Byleistr said that he couldn’t let it happen, damn his brother, he’d always cared the most about family. Byleistr, the coward who couldn’t say goodbye, asked an impossible request, before beheading Svadilfari himself. Loki, painted in Svadilfari's blood from the splattering of Helblindi’s murder, was credited with Svadilfari’s death, despite that he could not stop screaming for the life of him. Eventually, in time, he would grow cold and limp, quiet and deaf. He would fall into a slumber and wake up, weeks later, with no clear memories of the event, and strong walls barring him from accessing them within his own mind.

(And that wasn’t even the worst part, no. Not that Loki would know that, because the cruelty of it all was that Angrboda stole yet another thing from him that night. Something Loki didn’t know about, couldn’t have known about, but will, eventually, find out about.)

.

Frigga was in tears by the end of Loki’s recount, they _both_ were. They were in a seidr circle, where hers was ready to catch him should he fall, should his mind lose stability. After he was done, she insisted that he stay with it around him while she went to go make them both a cuppa.

.

Thor returned from Volstagg’s old home in the late hours of the night. He’d left Jarnsaxa to himself, but Jarnsaxa had many friends in the palace, so that was okay. His energy didn’t drain as much now that their bond was almost non-existent, so he didn’t need to go and see Loki immediately (though he _did_ still have to keep him cuffed to him, but he could worry about that later). When he realised that Jarnsaxa wasn’t in their rooms, he went off to go and see his mother. (Was it bad that he was almost a little happy that Jarnsaxa wasn’t there?)

Loki was there (why? He genuinely hoped that his mother realised that Loki was going to be executed soon… maybe that was why it was taking so long? Thor cursed. He should tell his father about this… should… he didn’t _have_ to… besides, his mother would probably turn his head into a kettle for a day or something if he did), asleep under a blanket Thor didn’t recognise (his mother must have recently knitted it). His mother was on a chaise, knitting some more.

“Mother, how do you fare?”

“Alright, and yourself, Thor?”

“Just fine. Have you seen Baldr anywhere?”

Frigga gave Thor a look, before gesturing at Loki. “He’s all yours, Thor, now cuff him and be gone.”

Thor sighed dramatically and did as he was told. On the plus side, in a month he wouldn’t have to do this anymore. In a month and a half he’d be wed to Jarnsaxa… he was beginning to wonder if he’d made a mistake.

Hard as it was for some to believe, he had only decided to marry Jarnsaxa as a way of getting back at Loki. Somehow he’d known that it would incense the Jotun, and he’d wanted the man to suffer for the forced bond he’d placed over Thor. Thor _really_ didn’t like people using magic on him. And also, he was angry, _of course he was angry!_ He’d been _kidnapped_ by the runt, taken hostage by him, he’d _deserved_ his own back.

But was that truly a good reason to tie oneself down for all eternity? The longer Thor had to think about it, the more he doubted this charade. Jarnsaxa’s feelings for him were genuine… Thor’s? Not so much. It felt like he was playing a cruel joke on the poor Jotunn… and besides, Jarnsaxa was really dull, he wouldn’t make as good a queen as Loki.

Wait! Backtrack! Did he just think that? Oh no! This was bad! Loki was Jotun filth! Scum even amongst his own race, let alone the Aesir! You know what the problem was? After all this magic and confusion, Thor had spent far too much time around Loki and therefore thought of him as attractive (and yet he had picked Jarnsaxa as a mate because he knew that it would irritate Loki, and for no other reason. He had flared with jealousy each and every time that Angrboda was brought up).

It was purely physical, he was sure of it. Who could love Loki with that personality of his? Sarcastic, under-the-tongue comments; rude remarks; the cruel pranks he played on the help. That man’s brain was a bag of cats!

That was it, it was nothing, clearly. Honestly, Thor hadn’t thought of him at all in the last three days, honest! And what a happy three days those had been! He’d gone out riding with his remaining friends, gone to a tavern, got drunk out of his mind…

Dishonoured Jarnsaxa. He felt a tug in his gut, and a wave of shame wash over him. How dare he? Jarnsaxa was kind and loving and beautiful beyond reason… Jarnsaxa deserved better than Thor, he honestly did.

Should he tell Jarnsaxa? He didn’t know what to do!

.

“Well, of course, son. Kings have liaisons with other women and men all the time!” Odin rolled his eyes. “Consorts and Queens know this, why would you want to rub it in Jarnsaxa’s face? Do you want him upset with you?”

“You’ve never had any!”

“Well it’s different between your mother and I, Thor,” Odin sighed, tired. “Frigga is an exceptional woman, one of a kind, no man in the Nine lucky enough to have her would ever _dream_ of being with another. But she is an exception, Thor, not the rule.”

Thor didn’t want ‘the rule’, he wanted to have what his parents did! Pure, genuine love for one another.

“Father, I am beginning to think that my betrothal to Jarnsaxa was a mistake.”

“Ha!” Odin barked. “It is too late for that, boy. We have already signed our treaties. To dispose of him now would be an act of war! Not to mention that it would label you as undesirable in the eyes of all other kings who might wed their daughters to you.”

“What if I didn’t marry royalty?”

“Ha!” Odin threw his head back, laughing. “Your child would be of tainted birth, not suitable for the throne of Asgard! After all, we opened up the gene pool with my parents, so we’re already running on thin ice as it is.”

“But what if I don’t want any of this? What if I don’t even want to be king!?”

Golden sparks flashed around them and the room darkened ominously. “You will be king.” Thor couldn’t argue with that.

“There-” Thor cut himself off before he could finish. There was one other option, but he wasn’t going to take it. _Ever_. Thor sighed. “Fine, alright. I’ll marry Jarnsaxa.”

“Good.” Odin was going to need to put a lot of limits in place as to how far the Queen’s powers extended before he abdicated the throne. Jarnsaxa was an airhead, he couldn’t be trusted with the nuclear codes.

.

It was quite by accident that Thor saw him. Remember, Loki’s powers were cut off from him, so if he suffered a beating the only way he could get healed was to go to the medical wing (Eir seemed to like him) or to Frigga. He’d been avoiding Thor because he didn’t want to give the smug bastard who had gotten him into this mess the satisfaction of seeing him while he was injured.

The moment Thor saw him, the blond’s eyes blackened. “Who did this?” He said gruffly, lowly. It sent shivers down Loki’s spine.

“What do you mean?” Loki snapped back, unwilling to bend to Thor’s intimidation.

“This!” Thor grabbed at Loki’s neck before the younger man’s hiss brought him to his senses and he withdrew it.

Loki’s neck, like the rest of him, was littered in bruises.

“What do you mean, you lummox? You know _exactly_ who did this! You’re the one who told Odin!” How dare this big blond oaf come in here like he was innocent in all of this and start fretting over Loki like this!

“Wait- how have I not felt it?” Thor said aloud, puzzled, checking his own body for signs of injury.

“Our bond is almost non-existent. You shouldn’t be able to feel my pain, the only thing that could affect you is my death!” Loki hissed at the buffoon.

“Well I didn’t know that!” Thor exclaimed. “Come, let us go to the medical wing!”

“Ha! Fat chance!” Loki hissed. “You think you’re _so_ clever, Thunderer, don’t you? Well I’m on to you and your little game!”

“Wha-what game, Loki?” Thor frowned at him. Ha! Nice try, fool!

“I know you’re the one who told Odin! I know that you’re behind all of this!”

“Told- what? What are you saying?”

Loki tried to stay angry, but the moment that his eyes met Thor’s he knew that it was for naught. Thor hadn’t told Odin, of course he hadn’t. The man was far too stupid (golden hearted) to have realised this: that Loki could now safely be harmed.”

“Never mind, just forget it!” Loki turned to storm off.

“No, Loki, wait!” Thor grabbed Loki’s wrist. He withdrew his hand the moment that Loki’s shoulders tensed in pain. “I apologise,” he said, at Loki’s glare. “What if somebody hurts you on your way there?”

“Why do you care? I thought that you wanted me in pain.”

“I don’t care, and I do- want you in pain, that is.” Was he truly sure of that? It was one thing to hold a cruel thought in your head, and another entirely to actually experience it. Was this all worth it? Sure, Loki had kidnapped him, and sure he had used seidr on him (which he _hated_ ) that had endangered his life, and _sure_ he’d even taken control of Thor’s powers (this really wasn’t helping his temper), but at the end of the day Thor had survived, and somehow Thor doubts that Loki had ever truly wanted to kill or harm him. Still, he would be loathe to admit as much to the surly, vindictive little frost giant. He’d never be able to look anyone in the eyes again. “But as you said, your death may affect me. And there is no telling how far the guards and servants will go before one of them crosses a line and its too late. You have, after all, made them very angry as of late.”

“Hmmm,” Loki sounded proud. Of course he did. He was Loki, he _thrived_ on chaos and mischief. “Alright, Thunderer, I accept.”

“Thank you.” Why was he thanking him? What was it that Loki had done for him?


	16. Chapter 16

Thor didn’t let Loki out of his sight after he learnt of the guards beating him up. There’d been a huge row between Thor and his father, and Thor was under no delusion to believe that his father wouldn’t have banished him to Midgard if not for his impending wedding to Jarnsaxa.

Thor didn’t know why he did it. He told Loki that it was to keep him under control, reminding him that Loki had been tasked to him (even if at prior to this he’d taken his duties lightly). It was putting a strain on his relationship with Jarnsaxa (as though it had been going swimmingly otherwise). The only times that Loki was ever alone were a) when Thor was showering, and b) when Thor got sick of him briefly and banished Loki to Thor’s room (Jarnsaxa was scandalised).

Maybe that was why it had taken so long for Jarnsaxa to find Loki.

“I know what you’re doing!” He hissed, yanking on Loki’s tunic-collar to bring them to eye-level. “Back off, Thor’s mine!”

“I know he is,” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah, so why are you flirting with him?”

“Wha- I’m not flirting with Thor!”

“Yeah right! He won’t let you out of his sight! I should have known you’d stoop this low to rid me of my happiness!” Jarnsaxa hissed.

Loki, who knew for a fact that nothing was going on between him and Thor, couldn’t help but sense the irony in Jarnsaxa of all people being worried that their partner was cheating on them.

“There’s nothing going on. Why don’t you ask him?”

“How dare you talk to me like that!” Jarnsaxa snapped. “I am prince consort.”

“You will be prince consort,” and this was where that vicious streak in Loki just shone. Perhaps it was a side affect of his session with Frigga, perhaps it was a dam just waiting to break, whatever it was wasn’t important. “Maybe. I doubt Thor has any true interest in you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jarnsaxa’s tone was dangerous and crisp.

“It means that prince Thor’s got a heart of gold. He’s moral and decent, you on the otherhand, dear cousin, are a spoiled brat- despite that the shame surrounding your birth would imply otherwise- and a home wrecker. I doubt that Thor would be interested in you if he found out why Angrboda and I broke up.”

Jarnsaxa was sweating. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me!”

Jarnsaxa broke out into a dangerous scowl. “I’ll kill you here, you little runt!”

“And in doing so, will kill your fiancé, which you will be executed for, street rat.”

Jarnsaxa was in a panic. “What do you want!? I’ll do anything.”

“Stay away from me. Don’t talk to me- don’t talk about me, and when I make my escape forget we were ever kin.”

“Fine! Done! Deal!” At Loki’s pointed look, Jarnsaxa scampered out of the room. Good.

.

Thor liked to train. Loki often had to go to the training fields with him due to Thor’s sudden surge of protectiveness over him. Of course, Loki had to abstain from rolling his eyes, Mr. Bigshot Hero with the heart of gold didn’t want to be responsible for someone’s pain. What a wuss. Seriously, how on earth was a pansy like him supposed to be Asgard’s first line?

The first couple of times Thor had made Loki sit back and watch. Then, when Sif and Hogun wanted to train against Loki, Thor relented and obliged them, knowing they wouldn’t hurt him any more than necessary.

Loki, a proud and agile creature, was not used to having his arse handed to him so efficiently. Seriously, hadn’t he beaten Sif the last time!? (He knew she’d been holding back!) So gauged in the fight was he that he didn’t realise the sun had set until Thor tapped him on the shoulder between rounds and mentioned that they needed to leave.

“Bring him back tomorrow, I want a rematch.” Somehow, near the end of their sparring session, he’d managed to disarm Sif. The more and more he fought, the better he got. He supposed that his muscles had dulled in the past few months, given that he hadn’t been training them at all since that last fight of his and Thor’s, but that was seidr-based, so it wasn’t really physical.

“Fine, fine. But I think he might have to take a rest in the morning.” Thor eyed Loki’s limping form warily.

“I can handle it.” Loki spat out, the disagreeable thing that he was. ‘Fine,’ Thor thought, ‘let the fool get his comeuppance.’

“Alright then. Tomorrow morning.”

The next day Loki hurt himself so bad that he had to be taken to the medical wing. ‘Serves him right,’ Thor thought.

Thor’s mind drifted to Jarnsaxa. He hadn’t seen the man at all these past few days. Had he found out about Thor’s dalliance with the… woman? man? Thor couldn’t remember. The person from the bar. Had Jarnsaxa somehow found out? Or was it something else, was Jarnsaxa perhaps walking past in the halls when Thor confessed to his father that his engagement to Jarnsaxa might have been a mistake? Either way, it was a cause for concern. Thor couldn’t help feeling guilty. Poor Jarnsaxa hadn’t been asked to be dragged into this mess. He just hoped that he could one day do right by the man as his husband and king.

He ought to go and see Jarnsaxa! That was it! He’d visit him that night! But he’d need someone to look over Loki.

.

Sigyn was delighted to bring Alva over for another playdate with Loki. Loki didn’t mind this as much as he pretended to, he quite liked Sigyn and her little brat. He’d only seen the pair a handful of times since Thor and Jarnsaxa’s engagement party.

They played by the fireplace in Thor’s room. Sigyn and Loki took turns getting Alva to toddle over to them, now that she was old enough to walk. She had a tendency to stumble, but Loki supposed that that was true of all toddlers.

Loki hiccuped as Alva walked towards her. Noticing the odd look that Sigyn was giving her, she asked ‘What?’

“I just-I didn’t think that you could use magic in that form.”

“Shapeshifting isn’t magic, it’s… it’s something else. And besides, I suppose that when you’re a being that’s ‘both’, technically, picking one form or the other doesn’t really require much effort.”

“Both…” Sigyn echoed, before blushing. “Oh my Norns! I’m so sorry that I called you ‘he’!”

“Why?”

“Because, well,” she was flustered, “Don’t you… don’t you prefer the pronoun ‘they’?”

“Sometimes. But I usually go by whichever skin I’m in, outwardly at least, my reproductive organs are always technically a ‘they’.”

“How do you identify?”

“As I said, whichever skin I’m in is how I identify. It’s not a conscious change, going between forms, but they are all a part of me in equal measure, they control me not the other way around, who am I to refuse them?”

“Uhh…. Okay. So I call you ‘she’ now, right?”

“That would be correct.”

“Okay.”

And that was how Loki, Sigyn and Alva wound up spending an hour doing each other’s hair. And by that, I mean that Alva took control when it came to Loki and Sigyn’s hair, but they did hers. By the end of it, Alva had neat cornrows, and Loki and Sigyn… had hair? Well, there were clips in their hair, so that was that.

“Where do you stay?” Loki asked, by way of conversation.

“Oh, we used to stay down by the brook, but we moved to the North Apartments after the war.”

“Oh. Why’s that?”

“It was harder to hold a house on my own, and this way we aren’t so far out that we’re vulnerable to burglars and rapists.”

That stunned Loki. “On your own? What happened to Argnold?”

“He was killed in the war,” Loki stilled. “Yeah, some Jotunn smashed his head in,” noting Loki’s expression, she blushed. “Not-not that I blame you or them or anyone, of course, really. That’s just how war is, we knew what he was getting into, you know. Besides, it’s not like you started the war, so, uh, really, don’t worry about it.”

But he did, he did worry about it. He looked down at the now-sleeping little girl, who was going to grow up fatherless. And he did care, he should care, because he did start this bloody war! He didn’t mean for it to escalate, but he didn’t regret it either. Who was going to keep these two safe? They were in Asgard’s capitol, Tunsgard, but outside of Tunsgard the Aesir were animals, what if they ever needed to leave the capitol or something? What if they were walking home alone and someone raped them? What if someone caught on to their vulnerability and that apartment complex of theirs and murdered Sigyn and kidnapped Alva to sell as a sex-slave or something. For Ymir’s sake, the girl wasn’t even a year old, but Aesir, like Jotnar, like Light Elfs, like humans could be monsters, and this was all his fault.

“I’m back!” Thor’s voice boomed across the room before the sound of the doors hitting the hinges registered. Thor was in a good mood. “Thank you so much, Sigyn! You are relieved of your duties.”

“Thank you, your Highness.” Sigyn smiled before bowing down gracefully and bending down to pick up Alva.

“What? You’re not going to escort them home?” Loki snapped. This drew both Sigyn and Thor’s attention. Thor looked confused then pissed that he’d been spoken to by his charge in such a way, Sigyn looked embarrassed.

“Why would I do that?”

“She’s got a child and she’s walking alone in the dark, Thor!” Loki fumed.

“She lives in the palace, it’s safe.” That shut Loki up. Thor turned to Sigyn. “It’s alright, you can go.”

Sigyn bolted out of the room as though she’d be shot if she stayed.

“What is wrong with you?” Thor hissed.

“Me? What about you?” Like hell was Loki not going to deflect. “You’re the one who only ever cares about yourself! What’s it they call you down on the streets? ‘The selfish prince’, no, probably the ‘idiot prince’.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from the one whose father kept him hidden away.” Okay, Thor wasn’t going to say it, but something about Loki just riled him up and he couldn’t stop himself.

“At least my father is open and honest about his embarrassment of me!”

“At least my father somewhat loves me!”

“At least my father doesn’t think I’m an idiot!”

“At least my family cares about me! Yours hasn't even so much as asked about you!"

“My brothers do, my father doesn’t!” Loki screamed. “It is no fault of mine that my brothers are not as pigheaded as yours that they would risk war and ask for my release when I am the prisoner of another!”

“My brothers have honour!”

“My brothers have honour and brains!”

This fight, naturally, continued for another twenty minutes. During it, such insults were fired as to the natural states of each individual’s hair, their taste in men, their people, and their liquor tolerance. It was exactly what you would expect when pitting Thor and Loki against one another in a fight: petty and just plan old embarrassing. 

At the end of it all, Thor went to sleep on the spare bed in his entertainment room, and Loki took her old place on the floor from back before Odin had declared that Loki was Thor’s responsibility to keep charge of.

In the morning, when both of them were feeling decidedly more civil, Thor opted to ask Loki about her sudden femininity, to which Loki replied that it was normal and she’d be a ‘he’ again in a few days, probably.

“How did you do it without cuffs on?”

“Is a chameleon changing its skin magic, Thor? No, I thought not.”

“Father will have a cow.”

“What?”

“It’s a- never mind.”

.

Odin reacted better than expected. Thor really shouldn’t have been surprised. While his father fully, 100% identified as a male, he was still a shapeshifter of sorts, being Half-Jotunn and whatnot. He didn’t make a single comment about Loki being female now.

Frigga was delighted and offered Loki some of her dresses to wear, saying they’d be a better fit. 

Jarnsaxa was miserable, staring into his porridge. He’d been down a lot lately, Thor was worried about him. He planned to take him riding the next week. Maybe Jarnsaxa was just as terrified about this wedding thing as he was. Maybe they could get through it together? Or end it once and for all.

Baldr was looking decidedly miserable himself. Karnilla had gone back to her place of birth for the holidays. It was no secret that their father was making her feel unwelcome. He didn’t like her for Baldr, not after all of the trouble that she’d caused Asgard. They had, after all, by this point been engaged for nearly a decade.

Thor wished Tyr would come to these meetings. Sure, he was Odin’s bastard son, but it wasn’t like mother didn’t know he existed. And she didn’t hold Odin’s pre-marital affairs against him, she’d made that clear when they’d wed. But still, both Odin and Tyr insisted that it would be an affront on Frigga if Tyr were present at family meals. Secretly, Thor wondered if it wasn’t because Tyr’s own mother, Lara, didn’t hold her own grudge against Frigga for marrying what should, had Odin been a more honourable man, have been hers. 

Thor leaned into Jarnsaxa and whispered in his ear. “Tonight, meet me in my chambers. We’ll go out.”

“Where?”

“The tavern?”

“Which one?”

“You pick.”

“OK.”

“You alright? You seem a bit down.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just tired.” What for, Thor did not know, but he didn’t question it. Come to think of it, his parents were probably tiring Jarnsaxa out with all of this role-preparation. Thor had been born into his role, had slowly been weaned onto it. Jarnsaxa had not.

“Alright. We can be back early if you’d like that.”

“Thanks, Thor.” Jarnsaxa smiled at him, grabbing his arm in a show of affection.

.

Watching Thor and Jarnsaxa flirt should not have brought forth the tiny green monster lurking in Loki’s chest, but it did. She seethed. It was probably this female form, Norns knew that women could be moody. 

He quickly snapped his head back to Baldr, who was almost finished saying his piece about this one time that he’d done something with someone that was good for Asgard or something. OK, so she wasn’t listening to him all that well, in her defence, despite being a really nice guy, Baldr could be… boring. She spared a glance at Frigga. Sheesh, you knew someone was boring if even their own mother dozed off while they spoke. Wasn’t this supposed to be a story about an adventure? Loki suddenly respected Karnilla x1000 more for her ability to stay attentive while Baldr was talking. 

.

Thor and Jarnsaxa’s wedding was fast approaching, and the atmosphere was lively. The villagers were busy making floral wreathes and dolling up the place in anticipation of what was undoubtedly the biggest event in the Nine of the millennium.

Thor, who had Loki chained to him like she was supposed to (Odin had been eyeing the pair more closely ever since Loki managed to slip by and put eels in the bathhouses in the centre of town), was with Sif and Hogun at the farmer’s market looking for a beautiful ornament to gift his bride/husband to be.

Loki wished that she could say that her cousin wasn’t the type to be swayed by pretty trinkets, but then she’d be talking about a different cousin most certainly. Kari was her only other cousin… hmmm, must be Uncle Thrym’s genes… then again, Thrym was related to her own dam, Farbauti- no, wait, that was accurate enough. Damned Argson genes.

Thor wanted it to be orange, since that was Jarnsaxa’s favourite colour. Loki didn’t have the heart to tell him that Jarnsaxa’s favourite colour changed every few decades, the poor lovesick sap. 

They spent eight hours in the market before Thor found something he liked for Jarnsaxa. It was a necklace with a big, round, orange gem in the centre of it, decorated with tiny diamonds on the collar of the necklace. It was 900 golden pieces. Damn, that was steep. If Loki were trying to impress her betrothed, not that she had one, she doubted she’d ever spend more than 50 golden pieces. It was wasteful, really.

They were walking back to the palace when two little children stopped them. A boy and a girl, siblings.

“Prince Thor, prince Thor!” The girl beamed. “Can we please have an autograph!?” She held out a pen and a pad. Her younger brother smiled bashfully, hiding behind her. He couldn’t have been older than twenty (five mortal years), almost at the age that most children started school. Loki couldn’t help the smile that flooded her face. They were so cute!

“Why of course!” Thor grinned, signing the pads and then swinging both shrieking children onto his back. He turned to the man next to him. “Aldric. Can you please find these children’s parents and tell them that they are coming to dine with us tonight?”

“Aye, sir.”

OK, Loki just felt her ovaries quiver. Her heart melted at the sight of the young boy, so shy, now smiling atop the big lummox’s neck. Norns damn this female body! She couldn’t wait to be a man again.

As it were, Loki was a he again halfway to the castle, just as the sun began to set. It felt poetic. The children gasped, Thor looked inquisitive but not shocked, the guards just kept their eyes on the lookout as they were meant to.

“You’re a boy!” The little girl gasped.

“Aye,” Loki nodded. It was OK, he was used to people mocking him for this.

“That’s so cool!” She beamed. “You’re very pretty. Are you Jarnsaxa? I’ve heard a lot about you!”

This caught Thor’s attention. Loki blushed and looked at her. “No, why?”

“Oh. Never mind, I just thought…” she trailed off, looking at where Thor and Loki were joined by a pair of cuffs.

“Sweetheart, you don’t generally handcuff someone to their fiancé.”

“But daddy said he was tied down to mommy.” Even the guards struggled to stifle their laughs. The little girl looked embarrassed. Loki took pity on her.

“I’m not his fiancé. I am a war criminal. I am to be executed within a month.”

“Oh.” 

‘Oh’ indeed. Thor fixed him with a stern glare. Loki shrugged, like ‘what do you want me to do, lie to her?’

For dinner, Loki was still handcuffed to Thor, but told to kneel on the floor by Odin. Frigga reversed this and fixed her husband with a stern glare as she used her seidr to create a chair for him.

The boy, whose name was Mödi, turned out to be a little chatterbox. Loki hated that he didn’t have his female form to blame for his weakness. The girl (Matla), for all of her confidence, was quite reserved, and occasionally kicked her little brother under the table. Loki, privately, couldn’t help but be reminded of his own siblings back… back home. Loki had a sudden panging in his heart for Jotunheim. As soon as this bond was broken, he’d break out of Asgard and go home. He knew he couldn’t go back to Utgard, the Wilderness or the Ironwood, but there were other places… perhaps in his uncle’s, Thrym’s, court? No, that would be too high profile. At least until Thor was king and done with Jarnsaxa, because he doubted that Thor truly wanted him dead, and the only people who seemed to want him dead were Odin and Jarnsaxa.

Loki watched Thor throw his head back and laugh at something the little girl said. A bead of sweat ran down Loki’s neck and he gulped. He couldn’t lie, the prince was attractive… it was probably whatever remnants of the bond there were that was talking, but… yeah… it was too bad that they could never be together. Thor seemed like the one person that Loki wouldn’t be able to properly lie to… imagine his disgust when he found out that Loki started the war that killed Thor’s friends? That it was Loki who made Alva fatherless… that Loki in no way regretted what he’d done.

“You’re a big, strong man,” Thor grinned at the little boy. “Are you going to be a warrior when you grow up?”

“Yeah! I wanna be just like daddy! He fought in the war, mödir says he felled a dozen frost giants before one ate him.” Loki’s heart sank. Oh no.

The table went deathly still. It briefly occurred to Loki that the boy was probably too young to comprehend what death was. Didn’t they only start doing that at like thirty?

The girl burst into tears, and the little boy looked worried. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

In the end, Frigga calmed the girl down and Jarnsaxa and Thor escorted the children back to their home. Frigga took Loki to her rooms to await Thor, who was in charge of him.

“A lot of children seem to have lost their fathers to the war.” Loki commented.

Frigga shrugged. “A majority of men, and some women, on Asgard serve in the army. In married households with children, it is always men that are the ones on the battlefield, Asgard has a policy against sending both parents to fight, we do not wish to orphan children. I have personally long thought it was a bad idea for either parent to fight, but both my husband and sons argue that it is a necessary evil, that in times of war we cannot be picky…” she looked down. “It is always the children who suffer the most. It shouldn’t be that way, children should never suffer, and yet our actions as adults always hurt the most vulnerable… isn’t that right, Loki?” She looked at him, and in that moment, there was no hiding it. He knew that she knew. “13 million.”

“What?”

“You wanted to know how many people died. 13 million on our side, 190000 on yours. For us, that was roughly 5.8 million fathers, leaving about 10.2 million children fatherless.”

10 million… that was larger than the population of Jotunheimr… Wow… Loki felt his mouth dry, but decided to play defiant anyways. “What does a number mean to me?”

Frigga just smiled and walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

The answer to all of their problems came one day in the form of a little parcel sent their way mere days before Thor and Jarnsaxa’s scheduled wedding. It was a raggedy brown package tied clumsily and with some blood on it. The moment he saw it, Loki recognised the handwriting.

“Be careful, it’s a trap.” He warned Thor, who regarded him sceptically as he reached for it.

“Trap? And how would you know that?”

“It’s Angrboda’s handwriting.” The package fell to Thor’s feet.

“What!?”

“It is Angrboda’s handwriting.”

“Then I must destroy it.” He summoned Mjolnir.

“Wait! It could be helpful!”

“You just said that this was a trap!”

“Yes, but it seems very unlikely that he would take the time to send us a package, let alone go through the trouble of getting it here, if he knew that I’d recognise his handwriting immediately and that we’d destroy it.”

“What do you propose?”

“Uncuff me. I can use my seidr to examine it for traps.”

Thor contemplated this. The last time that he’d uncuffed Loki, the man had turned Odin’s throne into a bouncy house. “He’s a stronger mage than you. Surely there’s a more effective way?”

“Fine then.” Loki said through gritted teeth, clearly miffed at the insinuation that he was weak. “Let us take it to your mother, then. I’m sure that she’ll know what to do.”

“Aye!” Thor beamed. Loki wanted to throttle him.

.

Frigga was weaving with Jarnsaxa, a skill suitable for a queen. Odin had been nagging her about teaching him more matronly skills. Frigga knew it was a waste of time, but hey, happy husband happy life. Plus, she pitied Jarnsaxa more than anything.

Then her sons walked in and she turned her attention to them.

“Mother. A package was delivered to the castle. Loki says that it is from Angrboda.” This clearly piqued Jarnsaxa’s interest.

“Oh! Let me see what it is!” Frigga beckoned Thor over. She took the parcel from his hands and waved her seidr over it. Nothing. She opened it. “Cure.” She read, off of a little bottle. “One person drinks it… there are instructions on how to make another one, incase we don’t trust him.”

“We don’t.” Thor said, sternly.

“Well, then, this potion should take a while to make… but it will be ready prior to your wedding, I can assure you of that.”

“Excellent.”

.

Thor’s wedding was in a week’s time. The potion was nearly brewed, everything was going great. Except that it wasn’t. Why wasn’t it? He was about to get married, wasn’t he? To one of the most beautiful beings in all of the Nine. Wasn’t he? That’s what _everybody_ said, that Jarnsaxa was the most beautiful being in all of the Nine. That men had crawled on their knees to gain his favour.

He was currently out at a stag party with his brothers and Hogun, who had recently begun dating Sif. Baldr was in a sad state. Poor Baldr, Thor couldn’t wait to be King. The first thing that he would do would be to give Baldr his permission to marry Karnilla. The two were made for one another.

Made for… made for one another…

.

Maybe he’d had one too many pints? He wasn’t staggering enough to use that as an excuse though. He entered the room that he and Loki still shared. This startled Loki, who was cuffed to the bedpost to keep him out of trouble, with Mjolnir holding the chain down to limit his mobility. (Sigyn had been busy and so she couldn’t babysit).

“Thor, what are you doing back so soon?” He looked up from his book on Midgardian history.

Thor, in what could only be described as a show of his masculinity, broke the ‘all-powerful’ cuff that ensconced Loki’s left forearm, and picked the man up by the neck.

Loki was terrified, and yet oddly aroused by this display of brute strength, not that he had any leg to act on. That was, until Thor leaned down and firmly sealed his lips to Loki. Loki felt bliss for a moment, closing his eyes and meeting Thor’s kiss with equal intensity, before his eyes opened wide and he began to push. No, no, no. This was not happening. They couldn’t do this! Sure, Jarnsaxa was a homewrecker, but that didn’t mean that Loki was. And besides, Thor didn’t even like Loki, he was probably just drunk!

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked, voice breathy as he sensed Loki’s agitation and pulled back.

“Stop! We can’t do this! You’re in love with Jarnsaxa!” Loki pleaded, keeping his voice low to avoid any unwanted eavesdroppers from listening in.

“No,” Thor held him tight, rocking up against him. “Never wanted him. Wanted _peace_! Wanted… wanted to _hurt_ you…”

“Wanted to… what? Why? That doesn’t make any sense? Why would you date my cousin to hurt _me_?” He understood that Thor had been angry with him at the time, but surely there were better, more efficient ways to punish Loki than that.

“So… so beautiful.” Thor rumbled, running his hands up under Loki’s shirt. Ouch. Way to turn him on, Thor, remind him that his cousin is more beautiful than him. “So… _fierce_ , so perfect… but I didn’t like it when you had me under that spell.” Thor said, leaning back, almost sober for a moment. “I didn’t… felt _used_ , felt _violated_.” Yeah, Loki could relate. Seidr was an _insanely_ intimate thing. To have somebody tamper with it without your consent should honestly have been considered a war crime.

“Thor, stop.” Loki begged, helpless. “You’re _drunk_ , you don’t want this. You want Jarnsaxa, remember?”

“No.”

“Please. You’ll only hate yourself when you wake up in the morning.”

Thor pressed a knee between Loki’s legs and hoisted him up, Loki's legs only wrapped around Thor's waist by reflex, he swore it. “How could I hate this?” He smothered Loki’s lips once more.

Loki’s cheeks were aflame. OK, yes, he wasn’t entirely averse to it… or even, strictly speaking, averse to it at all… but Thor would never forgive him for this… but why did that even matter? He was going to run away as soon as this damned spell was broken. Surely it didn’t make a difference what Thor thought of him, they’d never see one another again.

But it did. It did, it did, it did. For some stupid, unexplainable reason, the oaf he’d spent the past year with _did_ somehow seem to matter to his treacherous mind. Thor was so angry about the war, how would he react if he knew that _Loki_ was the one responsible for it!? How would he react when he found out that Loki didn’t regret it one bit? Didn’t regret the damage it had caused, _relished_ in the pain that it had brought the Aesir. (But did he though?)

Thor began to lift up Loki’s tunic off of him, exposing his chest. Loki wasn’t able to think, let alone get a word out as Thor kissed a trail down his neck and latched onto a nipple, hands sliding lower to undo the ties of his trousers. Loki was, however, conscious enough of his surroundings to be damn-well impressed by the swiftness in which Thor divested him of his clothes. It made his heart ache for some silly reason. Soon, Loki was naked against Thor, enjoying the coolness of the wall on his back.

“I’ve wondered about this for the longest time,” Thor murmured into Loki’s skin, his fingers moving to Loki’s cunt. “No… not like this.” Thor gripped the underside of Loki’s legs firmly, and transferred them onto the bed, laying Loki down with his head on the pillow, before spreading his legs and diving in to the feast that awaited him.

Loki couldn’t hold back his moans and whimpers as Thor ran his mouth up and down his length, tongue teasing a single drop of pre from the slit, before sliding down and sucking on his clit. Loki’s first instinct had been to jerk away from the touch (damn he hadn’t gotten laid in a while), but Thor’s hands snapped out to firmly press Loki’s legs into the mattress. He then moved lower, worming his tongue into Loki’s awaiting channel. He took one of his hands off of Loki’s leg and begun fingering the tight entrance. Thor looked up at him, looking more dashing than he had any right to be with slick smeared over his face, and grinned. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Loki didn’t dignify that remark with a response (only a blush). “Don’t worry,” Thor patted Loki’s nether lips, “I’ll take good care of you.” Norns, how drunk was this man!?

Thor leaned back, and hopped off of the bed quickly. He took off all of his clothes, pretending to be oblivious to the fact that Loki was watching. He then got back onto the bed to continue his worship of Loki’s body. It was as Thor sucked the life from one of his nipples that he felt something big press into him, only just realising that Thor had since removed his fingers from Loki’s cunt. Before Loki could move, Thor shoved in in one go. Holy shit, that man was _big!_

“Ssh.” Thor didn’t move, just rubbed the tears of strain from Loki’s eyes. “It’s alright, don’t worry. I’ll be… ‘gentle’.”

After a few moments, Thor began to move. Loki felt it in his gut as he was plundered. This felt so much better than any time before, even with… with… yeah…

He was in a dilemma here. On the one hand, his body was on fire, and he wanted to enjoy this so badly… on the other hand, he just couldn’t. There was something there, _something_. It was like knowing that you had done something bad and didn’t deserve to be loved or treated like this. Like you weren’t worthy of something? It left a lot of self-loathing in him. Half-heartedly, he thought that it might be guilt, but he wasn’t capable of guilt.

Thor gripped Loki’s penis and began to jack him off. Within seconds, Loki was cumming, but Thor continued to drive into him. The rub of Thor’s thick cock against Loki’s clitoris caused Loki’s second climax, which caused Thor himself to cum deep within Loki’s body, letting out a rumble as he rutted further and further in until he was done. He popped out and fell onto the bed. He lay an arm around Loki, and promptly fell asleep.

Loki, on the other hand, was breathing in a strained fashion and was having a much harder time falling asleep. Oh no, oh no, what had they done? How would Thor react to this when he woke up? He had to tell him! Oh he _had_ to tell him what he’d done now! Oh, this was so, _so_ bad!

.

When Thor woke up in the morning, he was surprised to feel a weight on the bed next to him, as he lifted himself up and peered at the body beside him. Loki. The events of last night flooded back to him. It didn’t help that Loki was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He looked unwell, but from what Thor had remembered he had enjoyed it. That was odd.

“Loki, I apologise for-”

“I did it. I started the war.” Loki said, his voice quiet, his face ashen.

It took a few moments for what Loki said to sink in. The first question on Thor’s mind ‘what war?’, the next thought ‘oh, right.’ Then ‘ _Wa_ ** _iT!’_**

Thor shoved Loki out of his bed, disgusted to have the man who had been responsible for Fandral and Volstagg and so _very very many_ other peoples’ deaths in his bed. The monster who had left most of the children of the realm fatherless, and many others orphans altogether. And he’d, what, tricked Thor into loving him? Into caring for him? His father was right, the Jotnar were _monsters_ , the lot of them.

“Wait, Thor, I can-”

“I will hear none of your lies, Jotun!” Thor’s voice boomed. Loki knew it wasn’t real thunder he felt hit him, but it sure as fucking hell felt like it. “Leave my sight at once!”

“Thor-”

“Do not utter my name from your wretched lips! This unholy bond of ours shall be broken by the week’s end, and your head shall make a beautiful wedding gift for Jarnsaxa!”

He stormed out of the room. He had to tell his father about this, he _must_. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and disappeared, leaving behind a shaken Loki. Loki sat there for a solid two minutes, bewildered.

And that was when _he_ showed up. Tyr, Thor’s bastard brother.

“You need to get out.” Tyr said, solemnly. “You need to leave. Get up,” he walked over to pick up Loki’s clothes off of the floor, “Come on, hurry. Father will send guards in any minute” He looked away as Loki put on his clothes.

“Why are you helping me?” He asked, as Tyr rushed him out of Thor’s rooms and down a corridor he’d never been in.

“I’m not. I’m helping my brother. Now hurry up.” Tyr had _clearly_ never had to run anywhere after getting fucked before. “Use your seidr to shield us.”

“I can’t, these cuffs.” Loki jostled his hands.

Tyr sighed and cursed, fumbling in his pockets for the keys to them. It seemed that everybody had a copy. Quaint.

Tyr shoved him down a tunnel, through the dungeons, and out of a back entrance to the castle.

“Thor was _livid_ , if I were you I’d lie _low_ for the next few centuries.” Tyr said, as they briskly walked down a mound of dirt.

“I don’t understand. How does helping me escape help _Thor_?”

“You don’t need to understand. Now however you got in that first time, you must get out.”

This was nothing like the Tyr that Loki had thought that he knew. He’d taken Tyr to be a stoic, roughened, petty-thug, not a caring older brother, never mind that Loki had no clue why Thor needed Loki to escape.

“But why?”

Tyr let out a deep sigh, and his eyes met Loki’s for one steely moment. “Because Thor would have you killed. Until now, he has only killed villains on the battlefield and game. I would not have his good-heart sullied by murdering some Jotunn scum that he cares about.” Ouch. There it was.

Loki turned. “Tyr… Thanks.”

Tyr did not reply, he simply left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo they cancelled A Levels... fuck. I really hope I get my predicteds as my finals, because otherwise YIKES!
> 
> Mass update because I've got data to kill, and chapters that have been WAITING to be posted!


	18. Chapter 18

Loki had thought that he would miss the snow, but as he shifted back from his Às skin, he quickly realised that that was far from the case.

He couldn’t go back to his father’s court, he’d be handed to Asgard immediately. He couldn’t hide out in the Wood, because he shuddered to think of what Angrboda would do if he caught him in there. He couldn’t hide out in the Plains, because the Wildermen hated his very existence, they still thought that it was he who had killed Svadilfari.

Thrym’s court? But no, his uncle would surely turn him away. After all, look at how he had turned his _own_ runt son away.

Isolation. He could hide in isolation. Try as he might, Jotunheim’s vast, barren landscape held a plethora of places to hide in and go undetected for centuries. He could pick a hole and just camp out there for time to come. It seemed like a good idea, maybe he ought to go do that now.

.

Thor was livid when Loki wasn’t in his room. Even more so than he had been when Loki had confessed. Of course he wasn’t, the sneaky snake. Thor ordered his men to fan out. They were to kill Loki on sight. It was to add fuel to the fire, he knew. It would motivate him more to look for Loki. After all:

He wanted to be the one to kill him.

.

In hindsight, he _had_ been a little stunned, when he’d decided to retire into a little cave in the middle absolute nowhere. Maybe he could turn around? Go someplace else? They wouldn’t find him, he’d be careful.

It had been _fifteen days_ that he’d spent on his own, now! Fifteen days of pure isolation! He was going to go insane.

The winter market! That was in eight days! He could go to that! He could shape shift or something! Go to the market with Jarnsaxa’s bloody face on for all he cared, he wanted _out_!

.

He couldn’t shapeshift. He panicked. Switching between skins was one thing, if he wanted to be an Aesir, he’d be an Aesir, if he wanted to be a woman, he’d be a woman, **_but_** his appearance was tied to his natural state. If he wanted to have blonde hair, _then_ he’d be working seidr. It was like travelling along an equipotential, where the line he was on was Loki. Altering gender or species was travelling along the equipotential, altering base characteristics involved energy.

And the only time he’d been unable to transform before was…

No.

_No_.

He shuddered to think. There was no way that it could be possible, nu-uh. He was _not_ fucking pregnant! No, he couldn’t be! His heat wasn’t even due for another year!

_That hadn’t stopped it last time_. He and Angrboda had taken all of the necessary precautions, and yet he’d still caught. Perhaps that had been why his first reaction had been to accuse Loki of cheating on him.

And Thor _was_ a fertility god…

He cursed himself for being so stupid. He had to get- wait, no. No, he didn’t. He didn’t ‘have’ to do anything! He was _keeping_ this one! Fuck Angrboda, for ever putting him in that situation! And fuck _Thor_ for getting him pregnant! They’d cut ties, effectively. One person needed to drink that potion, and Loki didn’t doubt for a moment that Thor would do it. It was over between them, and that meant that this child was _100000_ % his! He’d raise the child with him, as they travelled from realm to realm. The babe would grow up street-smart and book-smart, and most importantly, would have a loving and doting parent to rear it.

They’d be fine, the two of them together.

.

“We can use the bond you two share to track him,” Odin said, at the council meeting. This was, of course, directed at Thor.

“But he can’t get married with the bond in place.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem. We’ll be able to find him in a day or two. Then we break the bond, kill Loptr, and Thor weds… Jarnsaxa…” the distaste held by Friarson over Thor’s intended was palpable.

“Aye, but the runt is a skilled seidrmadr, he might be able to evade us.”

“No. There must be a spell in the library somewhere that will help us track him. It may take a while to find, but we must do it. He has caused mass devastation, he must be held accountable. Letting him get off scot-free would be an injustice to our people, a robbery of them.” Thor said, solemnly. “We can postpone this wedding if we must, but he is a slippery eel, and I fear that if we do not use our lingering bond to our advantage now, then we will never have an opportunity to catch him again.”

Odin nodded softly. “Alright, my son. We will postpone the wedding. It seems only fit, I suppose. Wedding somebody while bound by a curse like this to another would be an insult on Jarnsaxa’s honour.” He turned to the man next to him. “Tell the Librarian to deliver everything on binding magic to my chambers.”

As Thor left, he crossed Jarnsaxa. He couldn’t help but notice the troubled look in his fiancé’s eyes.

“Do not worry, we will find him soon enough, and then you and I shall marry.”

“Of course, of course,” Jarnsaxa said, but his voice was dismal.


	19. Chapter 19

It took them three entire months to find the book they needed. They’d taken Frigga’s antidote-potion and looked up the ingredients. It was a dark, old, macabre spell, which dated back to before Bor’s time, when Norn Priestesses used to use it to bless a married couple. Yikes, good thing they were waiting to get rid of it before Thor and Jarnsaxa got married, apparently Thor wouldn’t have been able to get it up without Loki present.

Then there was the matter of checking which parts of the spell had traceable roots, which was also taking its sweet time. It would take less time if Frigga helped, but Odin knew she wouldn’t and didn’t want to risk airing his wife’s distaste for the proceedings to his council. He didn’t want them to brand her a traitor, and _definitely_ didn’t want them to think the pair had marital problems.

It took another two months to do that one. They needed ingredients. That took another month. Not that it was a long time for _gods_ , per se, but it sure as Helheimr was annoying.

Thunder itched in Thor’s veins. He was growing restless, and through it all, he couldn’t help feeling slightlyrelieved that Jarnsaxa and his wedding had been postponed. He knew that it was wrong to keep his hesitance from his fiance, but it wasn’t like his father was going to let him out of it anyways, so what was the point, really?

Oh well, once the rest of the ingredients got there, they’d need to find a skilled potion maker (Frigga had taken a period of self-isolation at this dark and trying time. She was ‘emotionally distraught’ over the difficult situation that her son was in) which would take more time, and then there was the time needed to brew the potion. Thor couldn’t _wait_ to have the monster’s head on a pike, he had brought so many people so much harm… but he _was_ a **_bit_** grateful for the postponement of his wedding. They’d moved it back a year, to have it the next Harvest Festival. After all, everybody knew that having a wedding near a Harvest Festival was a good omen. It meant that the marriage would be bountiful, in wealth, children, meals, happiness, and love.

.

Eleven months pregnant, Loki was. Nearing twelve, when _they_ came.

He had to be honest, he’d expected Angrboda to hunt for him as soon as it was made public that he’d escaped, hence why he’d placed detection spells over the grounds he resided on. He _hadn’t,_ however, expected the _Aesir_ to find him.

His eyes widened comically. He still had the upper-hand, ofcourse, they were unaware that he was aware of their presence. He could make his escape.

But how had they found him in the first place?

The spell! Urgh, of course Thor hadn’t taken the potion! He wanted Loki dead more than Loki had anticipated! Well, tough. Loki was done rolling over and taking punches. Not today, Thor, not today. No more playing the victim. He was strong and powerful, and an accomplished seidrmadr to boot. These Aesir would have no idea what was coming to them.

He relished in the sound of screams as a giant snowman pummelled into the two men, causing the distraction that allowed the heavily laden Loki to escape from right under their noses.

Right. From his studies of the Bifrost, it needed time to recharge. It wasn’t a good weapon for a chase. He might not know how to block whatever tracking spell they had on him, yet, but he could damn well shield himself from the Bifrost.

Loki slid down an ice-bank and broke off into a run. Faster and faster he moved, allowing his adrenaline to fuel him. He wasn’t going to give in. Not when he was so close to having this child of his. _His_ family, _his_ loved one, **_his_** only worldly possession that would ever matter to him.

He stopped dead when he saw the trees in front of him. No, no, no. This would _not_ do! He was _not_ going into the Ironwood, that was where Angrboda lived, and Angrboda would **_find him_** and kill this child too.

He turned to the left and ran down another cliff, leaving all sorts of nasty little magic tricks in the snow, covering his footprints, creating clones to run back and fool the men. Ha! Let’s see them deal with this.

He begun to climb a high hill. This was it. This was where he would take shelter. Gosh, he really needed to lie down, running was _exhausting_ when one was almost to term.

.

It happened a week later, while he was still on the hill.

It was dangerous, it was risky, and he panicked about more than the pain and the baby’s health as he pushed and pushed and pushed. He needed this to be over quickly. What if _this_ was the moment- with all of his blasted luck- that they managed to find him despite his web of confusing seidr?

Thankfully, the baby seemed to understand the urgency of the situation, and was out within sixteen hours. Phew! He knew that Byleistr had taken 8 days to birth, sixteen hours was _nothing_!

He conjured a shard of ice and cut the umbilical chord. He reached down to pick up his child.

It wasn’t blue like him, it was a fierce red. Loki was horrified for a moment, before he realised that this was probably what an Asgardian baby looked like. It made no sense, Thor was only 1/4 Asgardian (well… he supposed that Vanir and Aesir were pretty much one in the same…). Still, the child was mostly Jotun.

He felt around. The child had strong seidr… it _wanted_ to stay like this, he realised, rolling his eyes. Stupid stubborn child, it would catch a cold. Norns, he hoped this child wasn’t as boarheaded as-… As Thor… As _Thor_ … Grrr! He hated how he missed him! And what was the point in missing him anyways!? It wasn’t like the pair had ever been in love he made you feel guilt where no other could!

He made you feel all sorts of things.

He made you feel jealous.

He made you cry- just that once.

He defended you.

He helped make this baby.

Loki hugged the child closer to his breast. This was all he had left of _Thor_ too. He chuckled. How the tables had turned. First Jarnsaxa slept with Loki’s boyfriend, then Loki slept with Jarnsaxa’s he was never really Jarnsaxa’s.

He held the babe up and out when he noticed something curious about the little tyke.

He had _one_ set of genitals. Odd. Oh well, based on his assumer knowledge, this was a boy. He hummed.

You were supposed to name your child on the new moon, in Jotunn culture. But the new moon was yesterday, and he wasn’t going to wait another 81 days. Besides, this kid clearly didn’t like being Jotunn.

_Argvedr_ , he thought to himself. _Narfi_. **_Fenrir_**.

His lip wobbled. “Mödi.” He decided, after that little boy who had stolen his heart. “Mödi Lokijarson.” Mödi Thorson.

Ha! He was dreaming! The chances of Thor forgiving him for what he’d done were laughable! Thor cared so much for his people, and Loki had caused the death of millions of them. He had no doubt that Thor wanted his revenge.

“Mödi, it’s just going to be you and me for now. Alright?” He murmured into his son’s head.

Mödi said nothing, having had already fallen asleep. Loki didn’t blame him, the poor lamb had just had a very tiring sixteen hours, and he didn’t doubt that Mödi’s choice of Aesir skin made the cold less bearable.

.

They’d spotted Loki somewhere in the barren Tetris Plains. Laufey had sent some of his men to help. Honestly, Thor knew that they had a pact and all, but sometimes Laufey’s actions as a parent were downright frightening.

Thor had been beating past enchantments for weeks now, never resting, never getting tired. He was so close to what he had longed for for so long. He was about to avenge his fallen brothers in arms!

Honestly, the worst part of it all was the betrayal. Loki had led him on, had let him fall for him knowing full-well what he did. Had-had let him sleep with a mass-murderer! Thor felt so disgusted with himself. He should have just killed the Frost scum when he’d had the chance, his own life be damned.

.

Loki made the decision to move on his _own_ , thank you very much. After Mödi’s birth, Loki kept on his feet. He had to find a way off of Jotunheimr without passing through Asgard, and the only way he knew was the Worldpool, which he could _not_ take, because it was located in Angrboda’s hut, and that was a _no-go-zone_ , thank you very much.

Loki walked past a creek. Portals were oftentimes located in natural, hard-to-access areas, cracks in the universe, as he liked to think of them.

“Look, Mödi, it’s a deer,” he pointed to his three-week old son. Mödi just gurgled. Loki felt a surge of hormones rush through him. His baby made the cutest sounds!

Mödi’s hair had grown in. Blonde, like Thor’s. Loki rolled his eyes. First the Asgardian skin, now the blonde eyes. Geez, Mödi, way to be subtle. The boy also had blue eyes, but Loki knew that a lot of babies were born with blue eyes that eventually faded away. In fact, the more that he looked at them… his stomach dropped. The more that he looked at them, the more that they looked like they were going green.

“Look, Mödi. It’s a tree!” OK, sue him, he hadn’t had anybody to talk to in a year.

.

Thor was hot on Loki’s trail, he just _knew it_! He could feel it in his veins, literally. His father had placed a magical tracer there, which _technically_ strengthened the bond a bit, but hey, they had that potion back home.

He flew over the snowy land, on the hunt.

.

Mödi was eight weeks old when Loki made his blunder. He’d spotted a hunting trap, and turned around, walked past a pond and, unbeknownst to him, entered the Ironwood from an angle he’d never encountered before. Not that it mattered, eight steps in and he knew where he was.

He tried to turn back, he did, but the woods had closed themselves behind him. Drats! That meant that Angrboda was near! Loki shifted into an ice-hawk and gripped Mödi in his talons, certain that he could get them away.

He was shot down by a burst of seidr. _Angrboda_.

As he tumbled down, he angled himself to capture Mödi, using his seidr to greatly cushion their fall, as they tumbled, knocking into trees and rocks, and falling into a gully. He made it so that he hit the ground and not Mödi.

“Well, well,” a voice called, malicious as ever. Damn Angrboda. “What do we have here?”


	20. Chapter 20

Loki rolled to his side, Mödi cradled in one arm. “I have not come to fight you, Angrboda.”

“You are in _my_ territory. **_I_** decide whether or not we fight.” Loki realised the rocks were beginning to shake. “I see you’ve given birth.” Angrboda hissed.

_Oh_. Loki shifted Mödi more under his arm. “I have.”

Angrboda chuckled. “Oh Loki, you never learn.” And then the ice around him turned into shards that tried to stab him.

Loki blinked wide, cast a fire spell to melt them. “That could have _killed me_!”

“That’s the point.” Angrboda said, his eyes trained on Mödi. “You _whore_!” Loki heard a screech, a _bird_ , and then the sky darkened. Oh no, Angrboda and his killer birds. He couldn’t do this with his normal seidr.

_But Thor hadn’t cut off the connection yet, and that meant…_ Loki closed his eyes, his only chance at coming out of this alive. When he opened them they’d gone from red to pure, blinding white. He shifted Mödi to his left arm, and from his right he summoned a lightning storm the likes of which Jotunheimr had never seen.

.

Thor’s eyes went white, he felt the tug. _Grr,_ that rat was using his powers again! He would _kill him_!

.

The birds fell to the ground with a plop. Loki shot a burst of lightning at Angrboda next, before turning tail and running back through the woods, artfully dodging all of the obstacles in his way.

That was his second blunder. Don’t turn your back on a predator. He was knocked to the ground by something. It left him splayed on his back, with his neck bent uncomfortably, Mödi fell from hishands. He felt a sharp pain in his lower back, blinding, he could barely see. Angrboda was approaching. He tried to get up but his feet wouldn’t work.

“You call me a murderer, blame me for ‘ruining your life’ or whatever. Well you’re not wrong. So here’s my confession, _Loki_ , here are the words you’ve wished for for so long. Yes, Loki, yes, I killed them all!” Angrboda’s eyes _glowed_ red. “I killed our baby. I killed the horse. I killed your child _with_ the horse. And now? Now I’m going to kill you. You and that disgusting little mongrel that idiot prince sired!”

Loki twitched, frightened, unable to move. What would happen? He tried to wrap his arms tighter around Modi, but he couldn’t. He was completely paralysed and rapidly losing consciousness. He did his best to muster all of his strength to move so that he was partially shielding Modi, who even now stubbornly chose to wear his Aesir skin over his Jotunn one, from the harsh winds of Jotunheimr as well as the snow the baby was almost completely lying down on. Angrboda neared them, his menacing hands, which had caused Loki so much trouble in his short life, reaching out to no-doubt strangle Loki, when all of a sudden white light hit and then Loki well and truly couldn’t see anymore.

.

A powerful surge of lightning knocked Angrboda back. He managed to withstand the heat due to the protective charms and jewellery he always donned, but he wasn’t able to hold up against the force and fury of it.

“Get away from him!” Oh, the Thunderer, what a treat. Angrboda had been waiting for this for a long time now.

He sent through the usual three blasts of seidr before calling the trees to wrap themselves around Thor, but the Thunderer wasn’t having it. He exploded out of the trunk and hurled a deadly lightning bolt at Angrboda.

Angrboda dodged it only just, sending an ice-storm at Thor. It broke Thor’s skin as he walked through it, swirling Mjolnir, drawing blood. He directed lightning bolts at the trees behind Angrboda, and when Angrboda realised what he’d done, he hurled said trees at Thor.

Thor expertly used Mjolnir to turn those trees into dust shavings before flinging Mjolnir at Angrboda. While the Jotunn was distracted, Thor made his way towards him in the snow. It was slippery, but he was fuelled by rage, the best motivation of all.

Angrboda dodged Mjolnir, but the moment it was back in Thor’s hands he sent a violent arc of lightning at the beast. Angrboda fell. Thor split the monster’s skull with Mjolnir.

.

When Thor had arrived, he’d been ready to kill Loki (well, drink the potion really quickly and _then_ kill him), but the moment he’d seen Loki on the ground with Angrboda, the monster, over him, ready to kill him, his plans had taken a _slight_ detour.

And now he stood with Angrboda’s head a pile of squished-up remains in the snow. He made his way over to Loki.

There was a pool of blood in the snow, and Loki was apparently unconscious, his chest barely rising. He needed to help him. He’d always been a sucker for someone in distress never mind that it was Loki. “Loki? _Loki_!” Nothing. The colour had drained vastly from his blue skin, it was going purple. Thor didn’t know much about Frost Giants, but he doubted that it was a good thing. Quickly, he fumbled in his belt. He had some healing stones that he could use, always carried them with, just like any good little warrior.

He was aware of the commotion around him. Sif and Hogun and Tyr and Baldr and the others had probably followed the sound of the commotion, or the violent lightning streaks that had undoubtedly painted the sky. He turned Loki over, to administer the stones and froze.

It was so small. A tiny, frozen, pink little Aesir child with tufts of blonde hair. Who had Loki stolen this from!? Oh, Loki was in _so_ much trouble… so much… trouble… it couldn’t be his, right? Of course not!

“Thor, what’s going on?” Sif called, rushing over to be at her friend’s side. Her eyes widened at the child in his arms.

“He’s dying.” Thor’s voice was almost how one might describe a whimper. Thor had placed his rocks over the baby. The child was first priority, children were **_always_** first priority.

“What are you waiting for, then?” Larson came up to him. “Drink the potion, and end its life, boy.”

“No! I want answers! The Jotun lives!” Thor bellowed. Sif had already bent down and placed her own healing stones over Loki’s still body.

“Thor, he’s badly injured. It’s going to take more than just stones to fix him.” Sif looked up at her battle brother. “We need to take him to Eir.” He chose not to question her lack of questions in regards to the baby. He assumed that she knew that he had no clue either.

.

When Loki woke up, he had a splitting headache. His head was wrapped in a bandage, and he couldn’t move from the waist down. For a moment, he thought that he might have been paralysed (Angrboda had broken his spine, hadn’t he? Wasn’t that what he’d felt?” But he felt his toe twitching, so that ruled that out.

“You’re awake.” A deep voice rumbled. _Mödi_ , oh shit, where was his son!?

“Mu-Mödi, where- Mödi?” his voice was hoarse and unpracticed.

“Who’s Mödi?” This was it, Thor knew he was undoubtedly talking about the child, who was well and safe playing with his mother at the moment.

“My-my _son_ , where is my son?” Loki said, panicked. Oh no, what had happened to him? He’d thought he’d covered him with his body, but that could have easily have all just been a hallucination. Maybe he hadn’t even actually managed to catch him while they’d fallen, what if he’d just dreamed that up? That would mean that Mödi’s remains would be scattered all over the woods. Tears streamed down his face.

Thor seemed to realise that he was in distress. “Mödi is fine. He is with my mother, she is looking after him. Your son, you say?” Loki mentally cursed as he realised that the buffoon had lured him into a trap.

“Yes,” he said, through gritted teeth. “My son, with Angrboda.”

“ _Puh-lease_!”

“It is true, when T- when I escaped I needed a place to go. I asked Angrboda for shelter, he asked for something in return.”

“Bullshit, Loki. He’s mine, isn’t he?” Thor’s eyes burned into Loki. He hated that he could never properly lie to the big oaf. Reluctantly, Loki nodded. “How?” Thor pondered aloud. “I thought you weren’t capable of getting pregnant outside of your heat.”

“As did I. I believe that the bond skews that somewhat, either that or I’m not like a normal Jotun.”

“You’re definitely not.” Thor wanted to chuckle, but how could he? What was he hearing? A mass-murderer responsible for the deaths of his friends and the fatherlessness of many, **_many_** children in Asgard had given birth to his child. He slammed the table beside him. “Norns!” Why did the universe hate him so much? Loki looked very startled at his outburst.

Frigga chose that moment to pop in with Mödi. “Ah, Loki, you’re up. Good, little thing’s been going on and on and on about his mama?”

“He’s spoken!? How long was I out for?” Loki’s eyes widened with pain and sorrow. Frigga chuckled.

“I mean in baby-speak, silly. Of course he has not spoken yet, he’s not two!” Frigga chuckled, walking over to Loki and giving him a kiss on his forehead. “Though you really ought to have told me that you were pregnant with my grandson.” Loki blushed. “He’s a big little thing,” she chuckled. “Can’t have been easy to get out- you know, Thor took four whole days of labour!How long did this one take?”

“A-a few hours, less than a day, but not by much.”

“You lucky thing!” Frigga’s eyes twinkled. She handed him to Loki. “There you go. He missed you dreadfully! Wouldn’t even eat the first day, we had to latch him on to you in your sleep.” She chuckled.

Loki stared down at his baby boy. In his head, Angrboda’s words echoed ‘your child with the horse’… Angrboda had taken from him something that he hadn’t even known about. He knew that he’d grieved Svad’s death hard, but now that he knew that Angrboda had exterminated yet another of his pregnancies, it made more sense that his body had shut down and that he didn’t remember much. In the past this would have made him break down and cry or something, but now? Now, he simply hugged Mödi closer, grateful that that **_monster_** hadn’t managed to kill Möditoo, hadn’t taken this child from him as well.

“And you’ve been out for a month, Thor’s been sitting here by your side the whole time.”

“Aye, to make sure that he didn’t slither off.”

“Thor!” His mother reprimanded. She turned back to Loki. “You need your rest, my dear. Thor and I will leave you to be at peace for now.”

.

In all honesty, Odin’s reaction to Thor and Loki’s love child could have been much, _much_ worse.

“All kings have bastards,” Odin sighed. Case in point, Tyr, Thor’s own half-brother. “Now you must take the potion and end it. He needs to be executed, and really, this wedding can not be postponed yet again. Think of Jarnsaxa.”

Oh, but he was, he _was_ thinking of Jarnsaxa, and how miserable the man would be with a husband who would never love him. Not truly. See, Thor had done some of his own thinking in the past couple of days.

Was Loki a monster? Undoubtedly. But had he done what he’d done in the interest of his kingdom? Absolutely. Would he, as heir, have made the same choice had their positions been reversed? Had he been smart enough to pull it off, he would have done _anything_ for Asgard, including risked war for it.

Ever since this whole nightmare with Loki had started, his thoughts had been tuned to the frost thing. Every single damned day, he couldn’t get Loki off of his mind. And frankly, with the war and all of the fighting and the surprise pregnancy and the attempted murder and the killing of Loki’s ex… was this truly the craziest courting story in all of history? Probably not, who could really tell? Time was a fickle thing. They’d have to let it play out.

But he did know one thing for sure. He was _not_ going to marry Jarnsaxa. Period. Even though they’d begun to set up the moment that Thor had returned with Loki and Mödi from Jotunheimr, even though they were now _done_ , Thor was not going to go through with it.

And he told his father as much at the dinner table, surrounded by all of his family. Well, most of his family, Loki still had Mödi with him.

“But it is all set up! Is this all to go to waste? There _must_ be a wedding!”

“And there shall be.” Thor said, finally.“Father, Karnilla and Baldr have waited too long for this. They deserve a wedding fit for the gods. They deserve this one.”

Jarnsaxa’s head was in his hands, tears streaming down his cheeks. Thor offered him a chance to stay, but he violently refused. That was okay, Thor could understand, if he were in his position he’d probably do the same (except not really, because Thor wasn’t especially violent off of the battlefield).

.

“Are you happy now?” Jarnsaxa hissed, distraught as he stomped into Loki’s medical room.

“About?” He sighed, Mödi playing with his hair. He was too tired to deal with his idiot cousin.

“Thor! You have him, you finally get what you want. You _always_ get what you want.” And then Jarnsaxa started to sob. “Angrboda could never stop talking about you. Even when he was with me, it was all about you. Thor didn’t ever want _me_ , he used me to get to you! You’re the one he slept with, you’re the one he sired a child on!” Jarnsaxa stopped his foot, angrily. “You, you, you, it’s always about you! Farbauti birthed a runt, Laufey kept it. Argra birthed a runt, Thrym threw it away! Laufey probably wouldn’t have even taken me in had you been born whole-sized!”

And then, for the first time ever in his life, Loki started to feel kind of bad for Jarnsaxa. Sure, he was a deceitful, homewrecking, traitorous rat, but he supposed that life truly hadn’t been all that kind to Jarnsaxa after all.

“You still have Thor.”

“No. He has called off the engagement. Baldr and Karnilla are to wed instead.” _Yes_! Loki was so happy for them, it’d been like a fucking decade for crying out loud, _Norns_!

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know. I can’t stay here, it would be too embarassing. There is no place for me in Jotunheimr… Midgard, perhaps? I hear there are some colder countries up in the north, I’d be well suited for them.”

Loki nodded. “Good luck, cousin.”

“To you too, cousin.” Jarnsaxa nodded. And then, never having once acknowledged little baby Mödi, he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Aaaaaand then Jarnsaxa fell through a hole in space and landed somewhere on Sakaar where he was promptly picked up by the Grandmaster as a paramour, and the rest is history! :D
> 
> 1 more chapter left… or a bit more than that, not all too sure at the moment)


	21. Chapter 21

Karnilla and Baldr’s wedding was beautiful. A nice, purple sunset, with golden fireworks and hummingbirds and doves all flitting around in perfect order. Stunning. They exchanged their vows atop a small hill, and went off to Vanaheim to

When Thor announced to Odin, in front of the Council, his plan to acquit Loki of all of his crimes, the room shook. Almost everybody was floored by disbelief. Odin dragged Thor out immediately.

“What is the meaning of this!? What are you thinking!?” Odin bellowed.

“Father, Loki is the mother of my child, and besides, we still need that peace wedding, why don’t I just marry him?” He would, of course, have to talk to Loki about this first, they hadn’t really talked about _that night,_ or their obvious attraction to one another.

There was, of course, a lot of back and forth on this. It took weeks to wear his father down. Ultimately, three and a half years later, when Mödi was _four_ , they **_finally_** got married, and Thor declared Mödi his heir. This was, of course, largely helped by the fact that in that time they’d had another child, Matla, and Loki was pregnant with their third (and what he said would be their final one).

.

“Mother!” Juno called for Loki. “Mother! Matla keeps taking my dresses!”

“It’s unfair, she never uses them!” Matla protested.

“Girls, quiet down! You never see Mödi and Atul fighting like this!” Loki rolled his eyes.

“They’re _boys_ ,” Matla made a face.

Juno turned to Loki with a look on her face that said: See, I told you that this one was a problem child. Loki sighed. “Matla, you have no right to steal Juno’s belongings-”

“But it wasn’t stealing!”

“What’s hers is **_hers_** , if you **_took it_** **_without asking_** , you **_stole it_**. Now take it off or you’re grounded for a month.”

“Urgh! I hate you!” Matla seethed, pouting and making a face and running off in tears.

Loki looked at Juno. “You know, sweetheart, it wouldn’t kill you to share.”

“She’s just so _infuriating_ ,” his little twelve-year-old said, matter-of-factly. “Her disregard for consent is _honestly_ appalling. You and father should try being stricter with her, or else she will be like this forever.” Loki internally rolled his eyes. Juno had a stick up her ass, and _no_ he did not regret thinking that about his youngest. Was there truth to her words? Yeah, probably. Did she need to learn how to better communicate with people in ways that would make them listen to her? Definitely.

“Juno!” Atul called. “ _Juno_! Look what I found!”

Atul and Juno were very, _very_ similar-looking for fraternal twins. Loki thought it was odd that the pair weren’t quite attached at the hip, but Thor saw something there. Apparently they ‘didn’t need to spend that much time around one another to be at peace with where the other was’ or something and oh, also ‘they’d probably hang out more the older they got, but for now they were content with the few moments they got with one another, oftentimes choosing to simply sit in silence, doing other things and barely paying attention to one another, but just being near one another.’ Whatever, as long as they weren’t fighting.

Speaking of siblings, it had been high time that he reconnected with _his_ brothers, he hadn’t seen the pair since Atul and Juno’s 12th birthday (the pair had just started pre-school).

After everything was all over, after Thor decreed that Loki was no longer a prisoner of Asgard, his brothers had sent request after request to see him. He knew they cared.

After many conversations with Frigga, as well as that whole enlightening sharing his past bit, he’d made the decision to forgive Byleistr. Sure, Byleistr had stopped him from freeing Svadilfari, and had instead killed the man the only other shapeshifter whom Loki had ever known at that point, but he’d done it out of love for Loki. He hadn’t wanted to see his brother be killed by Laufey, or humiliated in some horrid, gory way. Wouldn’t Loki have done the same if his father had put Byleistr in a position like that? Well, that was of course assuming that Laufey would ever do something like that to Byleistr. Everybody knew that it was Loki he had it out for. It had been part of why Loki had changed his name from Loptr to Loki in close circles (granted, it had been _Angrboda_ who had first given him that name, and Loki just stuck with it because in his defence those first few years with Angrboda had been bliss!). He was, of course, never going to tell Thor how he got the name. Thor would probably start calling him ‘Loptr’ again or something. Norns knew how Thor **_hated_** Angrboda.

And Loki couldn’t deny, there were times when he hated Angrboda too. But if it hadn’t been for all the bad things in his life, including the forest witch, he never would have found Thor, married him, and had his four wonderful children.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C'est fin!
> 
> (Wonderful with inverted commas…)


End file.
